Friday, August 31
I still have the dream to leave the city where I am living. To go to the south. Spain, to Africa, to Gambia. To make my living there.

Monday, August 27
Tribute to one of my father's favourite artists born 122 years ago.
Happy Birthday, Man.

Friday, August 24
As soon as rain comes, my tear sacs become swollen. Like the rain fills them with water.

Thursday, August 23
At Café Fumare - Non Fumare I've met a long-time colleague. We talked about life and what we did the last decade. I told him that I would like to move to a warmer region like Spain or Africa. When he left for his architect's office he told me in his final step - in case I would go Spain that Andalusia was very beautiful.

Tuesday, August 21
Up to now 2012 is a bad year for me: no stdio, refusal of master studies, low health, no man, no future.

Monday, August 20
I stop blaming myself for anything.

Sunday, August 19
They play it safe acquit to assasinate what they do not understand.
They move in packs adjusting more and more fear with every act of hate on one another. They feel most comfortable in groups, less guilt to swallow. They are us. This is what we have become: afraid to respect the individual. A single person within a circumstance can move one to change to love herself, to evolve.
By Erykah Badu - Window Seat

Saturday, August 18
I hope you come back soon - to find your door closed.

Thursday, August 16
The problem is, when you are hurt too deeply, you lose your lust for life. Nevertheless, get back your vital energy and instead of destruction as a form of revenge choose a setup for something new to finally prevent bitterness.

Wednesday, August 15
It's always the neighbours who I hear coming home.

Thursday, August 9
I've started reading the novel Diaries of a Dead African by the Nigerian writer Chuma Nwokolo, Jr. .. It isn't everything that happens should enter a diary. There are too many idiots that go around, reading other people's diaries.. smile

Wednesday, August 8
A very romantic evening on the Rhein Board with Shilf on the boat. Beautiful tears have no claim. A tender embrace of a lost individual from nowhere.

Sunday, August 5
At my working place, an (unlikeable) person claimed that I stood up when he talked to me. He came to my office window and scathingly unkind and demanding said that he wanted to talk to me and for that I had to come closer to him. I asked what it was about, because mostly people just make short enquiries and there is no need to leave my desk. This horrible man didn't even bother to answer, but forced me to stand up in order to show him respect. I think he has been already retired, but he seemed to be under tremendous pressure. Finally I had to write something down for him. Normally, I do so without hesitating, and today, I've done it as well. But I felt very crestfallen and needed some time to get my self-confidence back. I remember that kind of humilation has happened too often in my life. I had thought I had to endure those kind of attaints for not losing my job or a relationship. But I gave up a part of my self-esteem. It's like my job and some people ate my soul.
How ugly.

Saturday, August 4
I perceive certain coincidences (several things that randomly appear in a particular context) and try to accept their ubiquousness without giving them any coherence.
By the way - I have a lot of pain in my left shoulder. I hope it is nothing serious.

Wednesday, August 1
I've been at cinema and watched Et si on vivait tous ensemble. I had to cry - I easily cry recently - but I now I feel cool. Life can also be nice sometimes :)

I know I have a sad life, but I don't give up.