Wednesday, March 28
When I've been alone long time it happens to me here and then that I start to think aloud. Suddenly I hear my voice saying a word - oops - but I always realise that I am talking to myself that very moment and stop doing it.

Monday, March 26
SHAME - beautiful movie! Thank you so much, Mister McQueen.

Monday, March 19
I write what I like.
Steve Biko, 1946-77

Sunday, March 18
Apropos childhood, I remember, when it was time for spring to come, we girls always were keen to get rid of our tights and to put on knee high socks as soon as possible. Some day on my way to kindergarten, I sullenly took my tights off. It was an absolutely conscious deed. I wore just my gumboots without nothing. Of course the ladys at kindergarten were surprised that I didn't wear any socks, but they let me go. When I watch children these days, I see them wearing their lambskin boots proudly, like they never want winter to leave.  

Wednesday, March 14
My aunt who especially in my childhood was sort of a second mother has been seriously diseased for more than three weeks. She has been suffering from back pain and vision loss since long time. But, because we always had interesting conversations on phone and her voice always sounded absolute clearly, I never thought she had a difficult life. So actually I didn't notice the change. Hence, since I've realised how serious her state is, I feel very sorry for her. I remember once, it must have been five years ago, she said to me that she was convinced in future people would have found a method to ease ageing. That time I didn't understand exactly what she meant, because for me getting older was a natural process every human being has to undergo. Now, that I see how much she is suffering and life seems to be like hell I understand her wish. Well, while digging through NZZ am Sonntag, I encounter an article on just that very topic. Scientists on research into ageing pursue different goals. One is to shorten the period of sickness at the end of life, another is to stop ageing totally and the third option is to slow down the process of ageing. The biologist David Gems contraposes two possibilities: should we reduce suffering and with that accept a longer life or should we accept a long time of suffering just to lengthen our lives. The answer is clear. A prolonged life will only make sense if health and a happy life are extended. We should seek to prevent diseases instead of cherishing them. And to be old doesn't mean to be ill by default.

Monday, February 27
Does it hurt? my mother has asked me on the phone, when I've told her that I got a coughing. I don't like pain, she used to say. But who likes pain? Pain makes us cry and feel bad. Many of our fears are generated by pain. When we are not used to cope with pain, it tears us apart and we become kind of isolated. It even conveys a glimpse of dying, the almost definite passage into a state of being everybody will go one day, but nobody likes to think of. Death. But why is it that we stick so much to life and death appears like a part of a horror a movie? Because we always need to know. We are afraid of anything we are not able to determine. Though, when we take a close look, every step we do we are likely to plan subconsciously, but it's outcome we cannot predict.

Monday, February 20
That's true: Who is silent always can talk later, but that one who has talked cannot be silent on it after. What is spoken out is materialised and difficult to change whereas unspoken thoughts stay modifiable.

Friday, February 10
On my periodical visit to my family doctor I've waited a little, while she was looking after an infusion. I could relax and I looked about her room. On her desk I found a note hanging on a small metal stud. It was a quote by Voltaire that appeared to be somehow smug, but it persuaded me immediately as a kind of justification for my being happy:
I have decided to be happy because it's good for my health

Sunday, February 5
Today I have to think thrice before I say out loud what I think.

Saturday, February 4
Indian Proverbs found on Thinkexist.com:

To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak.

For the friendship of two, the patience of one is required.

Life is not a continuum of pleasant choices, but of inevitable problems that call for strength, determination, and hard work.

Don't bargain for fish which are still in the water.

If you're going to live by the river, make friends with the crocodile.

Fate and self-help share equally in shaping our destiny.

A person consists of his faith.

Whatever is his faith, even so is he.

No one was ever lost on a straight road.

Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noonday sun.

Don't judge any man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins.

You can only lean against that which resists.

Don't let grass grow on the path of friendship.