Saturday, September 3
In four weeks time I'm going to be back at work. Actually I should'nt think that. Yesterday we had our 6th anniversary, whatever that means.

Saturday, September 24
Whatever that means... in our case a lot of talking about separation and divorce. Gambia is a nice country I like it. We planned to stay for four weeks. The first time that we would have arrived and left the country together. The previous years he always stayed longer than me and I was happy that this time we would be traveling together. I prefer not traveling alone. But finally it happened not to be like I had dreamt of.
Before we left Switzerland we had sent two containers from Olten to Banjul. We made a lot of driving from Basel to Olten and back and all the preparation needed. Via facebook I had asked my friends to search their houses for useful things to be send to Gambia. And my closest friends had been so nice.
Finally we flow via Barcelona and spend a beautiful day in that my favourite city. Everything fine and irie.
But as soon as we arrived at our home in Brufut I felt like left too much alone. Last year we had traveled to Southafrica to participate in the worldcup. So I needed some time to get used to the West African lifestyle, which is completely different. Since we have been together for more than seven years I expected a smooth communication. We know each other. We left love behind us, somehow. I don't know, I feel like I still love him, but I feel very hurted. And exploited. I have to be there for him, do everything that is for his progress. HIM. At the moment I want to clear everything and forget about our lovely seconds we shared as well. Yeah, to get strong myself and positive about my own future.
Of course I started to do my things. Going to the beach, driving around or sweeping the compound. But disappointed that there was no exchange at all. He could say only: Maren, you see this is Africa. Why so? It has been my 4th time by now and he never said it before. I don't understand. Is the separation of men's and women's life now inevitable? The wife stays at home and cooks and cleans, while the man is enjoying his life? No, that is not my Africa!
After all, I want to be treated with respect. Even I am a woman and I am older. Not like: no chance for you and me anymore, everything you suggest I reject. No, that makes me sad and obdurate.

However, I've found a Mandingo song that opened my heart again:

Quarrels end.
But words once uttered never die.
Lovers part, but love lives on.
Marriages end, but hearts survive.

You leave your mother's breast,
For your father's side.
And why should this be so?
Because love forever changes.

When from her fanther's house
A girl goes to a man,
We see the same again.
Love's constant changes.

And when into the night she slips away
To her lover's arms
The same rule applies, my friend:
Love's inconstancy.

From: Ancestor Stones, Aminatta Forna. 2006