Saturday, 31
"Dada is not modern at all, it is rather a return to a quasi-Buddhist religion of indifference. Dada puts an artificial sweetness onto things, a snow of butterflies coming out of a conjurer's skull. Dada is stillness and does not understand the passions." -- Tristan Tzara
(mj fb)
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25. General Law of Capitalist Accumulation
811:1/00 The intimate connexion between the pangs of hunger of the most industrious layers of the working class, and the extravagant consumption, coarse or refined, of the rich, for which capitalist accumulation is the basis, reveals itself only when the economic laws are known. (...) "Improvements" of towns, accompanying the increase of wealth, by demolition of badly built quarters, the erection of palaces for banks, warehouses, etc. the widening of streets for business traffic, for the carriages of luxury, and for the introduction of tramways, etc., drive away the poor into even worse and more crowded hiding places.
Das Kapital, Volume 1
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Concerning an invitation to Biennale opening my recent inquiries revealed that there is an opportunity to buy the attendance of Venice preview feast: Gold, Platinum or Diamond Card. Okay, lets see it with Marx' eyes: The working poor probably cannot afford, not even Silver. For the working rich a Gold Card means less than a dress. However, I'll save the money to go there - dressed badly.
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I speak only of myself since I do not wish to convince, I have no right to drag others into my
river, I oblige no one to follow me and everybody practices his art in his own way."
- Tristan Tzara "Dada Manifesto 1918"
(mj fb)

Friday, 30
- that hard but you have to act like a gangster in that way they will be more interested in
you and less the money -

Thursday, 29
another incident at my working place that happened yesterday:
the museum i've been working for almost twenty years is situated next to a nursing home. here and then i go there to get some food. while the home's staff got a discount of forty percent, i always paid the full price. the day before yesterday i received a key that entitles me to get the staff's discount as well. wow. yesterday, going for some cake, the cashier looked at me her eyes opened wide and said: have you got it as well, finally, and ... have you had to fight much for it ? no, i answered. yeah, she said, you never asked for. damn, i regret that i never did. do you know how much i would have saved - must be around two thousand swiss francs.

Wednesday, 28
immanent to my living i spend my working day in an exhibition space which is about two hundred squaremeters. nevertheless people come standing next to my desk not even a meter of distance and talk obviously excluding me from their conversation. why do they do so? why don't they lead their conversation in another corner of such a big room leaving me in peace? do they need the warmth of my body? what i guess is that they feel stronger -probably unconsciously- by using someone (me) who enlarges their group, but who is just a someone muzzled that might follow their important words. or - it is the money they smell... what i do in such a situation is trying to concentrate on something, mostly on my screen, and not to overhear what they are talking. closing one's ears is most difficult and sometimes i become just desperate praying for them to leave as soon as possible.

Tuesday, 27
as i am always bit late have i known the title of Biennale 56 only today - but running for invitation since a while - you see, that's me, rather chaotic than reasonable -
All the Worlds Futures : 1. Liveness: On epic duration 2. Garden of Disorder 3. Das Kapital: Reading Karl Marx

Monday, 26
12.15: kultkino Atelier - watching Gramsci Monument, a movie about an artwork by Thomas Hirschhorn.
The first time I met T.H. was in Paris, my year at Cité Internationale des Arts, while he was at l'Hôpital Éphémère. I criticised his work for being randomly taped cardboxes. We even led a discussion if his work made any sense. He is my age, one year older.
Nowadays I adore him and his work. Art doesn't need emotions, but love and devotion for doing art. Some statements and ideas correspond to my plans for The Gambia. Just, that I'll build my house not for a closed period of time, but for open end. Plans for my house include also exhibitons, events like concerts, cinema and readings.
Gramsci quote: I'm a pessimist because of intelligence, but an optimist because of will.
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i am about to find out about my bad conscience that appears sometimes. it is that some people don't like to give or to share. i am not talking about money, but about knowledge, experiences or even recipes. they keep them as there secrets and let me feel like i am not worth a person to share. them they are not interested in what i know, what i experienced or how i cook when i am trying to share with them. to conclude my remorses are because i am not that beloved, liked and high valued someone i aspired to be.

Sunday, 25
attending concert with Sfum (school for unhampered music)

Saturday, 24
going out - Sääli, Capribar, SUD; concert, talking, dancing and moderate drinking

Friday, 23
attending U 20 poetry slam

Thursday, 22
night in train to basel

Urn internent - a huge rural graveyard, a solemn walk to the grave.

Wednesday, 21
night in train to hamburg

i like unconditional realtionships - no expectations, no pressure, no pedantic questions

Tuesday, 20
dreamt i missed the train. had been on a small party not caring about time, but as i was back in my room i realised time was short. i hurried up. on my way to the train station noticed that i was in the wrong streetcar. had to get off and at the stop figured out that i forgot my handback including tickets and my wallet. too late to return home and fetch everything.

Monday, 19
reading Samba pour la France (German translation)

half past seven in the morning - dark like night. imagine scandinavia, finland -
night all day long.

Sunday, 18
the cold makes me feel uneasy, my body weak. my soul hurt for no real reason. an underlying bad conscience for staying alive. that one, on the other hand, gives freedom - to think when i die makes no difference. indifference. tired of fighting for justice, i give up my identity in favour of a pacification - that has been my idea for long, actually. however, at the moment i cannot even fulfill the basic demands of society, i mean, proclaim to be strong, but surrender to a feebleness that preempts further deeds. a creep, lost, alone.

Saturday, 17
one of my father's favourite books: Bicycle Thieves (Ladri di Bicicletta). Off and on he asks me if I've read the book. I always answer yes, and I am sure I did, but I don't remember nothing.

Friday, 16
here some sayings I've found scanning my notebook:
- the ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones
who do
- be careful who you share your weaknesses with, some people can't wait for the
opportunity to use them against you
- you never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice
- whenever you are in conflict with someone, there's one factor that can make the
difference between damaging your relationship or deepening it - the factor is
attitude
- do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace

Thursday, 15
From Wikipedia
Stoicism is a school of Hellenistic philosophy founded in Athens by Zeno of Citium in the early 3rd century BC. The Stoics taught that destructive emotions resulted from errors in judgment, and that a sage, or person of "moral and intellectual perfection", would not suffer such emotions. Stoics were concerned with the active relationship between cosmic determinism and human freedom, and the belief that it is virtuous to maintain a will (called prohairesis) that is in accord with nature. Because of this, the Stoics presented their philosophy as a way of life, and they thought that the best indication of an individual's philosophy was not what a person said but how that person behaved. Later Stoics—such as Seneca and Epictetus—emphasized that, because "virtue is sufficient for happiness", a sage was immune to misfortune. This belief is similar to the meaning of the phrase "stoic calm", though the phrase does not include the "radical ethical" Stoic views that only a sage can be considered truly free, and that all moral corruptions are equally vicious.

am on my way asking people for invitation to Biennale opening in Venice May this
year (all people like museum directors I've asked by now said it to be very difficult) anyone here who can provide? I would be most grateful.

Wednesday, 14
a documentation on Arte about Morocco: I learn about the colour Green.
Henna, an everyday product of all classes, but especially used for weddings. Men carry the bride dressed in green to a throne where the henna ceremony takes place to protect her from envy and jealousy, to bring her peace and happyness. Henna, a symbol of love. Green, a holy colour.
Green the colour of nature, of peace, of Islam, on the roofs of Hassan 2. Mosque.
-What's Up Films-

Monday, 12
let me try some words: filter, censorship (ship?), moonlight, syndicate, one drop,
strawberry, letterbox, telephone - communication - nature, industry -dust::_

Sunday, 11
It is not that I agree with every of their cartoons, not at all. But going there blowing away who has hurt my soul is an act of mental, emotional and spiritual immaturity. It was just a physical (absolutely unfair using weapons with no chance for the opponent) demonstration of a coarse wannabe potency.

freedom of speech- (je suis Charlie)

Saturday, 10
Someone says to me, before she has'nt considered me as being wild - now she knows better. Yeah, mostly I am moderate and peace-loving when life is good to me. Determined to my actual lifestyle am squeamish. The more pressure happens to be on me the wilder I am. A lack of empathy produces my inner gorgon - because what I need is help and support instead of a mocking challenge.

Friday, 9
Lazy evening watching surf movie Chasing Mavericks (2012) on SRF zwei.
Four foundation pillars: phyical, mental, emotional and spiritual.
About his essay on fear: the truth about who you are, or just words on page?
We all come from the sea, but we are not all of the sea. Those of us who are, we children of the tides, must return to it again and again, until the day we don't come back leaving that which was touched along the way.

Thursday, 8
Locked In
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The Trees of this City
Trees too tired to carry the burden
Of leaf and bud, of bird and bough
Too harassed by the rigours of unemployment
The drought-glare of hight rents
and the spriralling cost of water and mealie meal
Trees shrivelled into abortion by the forest fires
Can no longer clench into the people's fist
But wearily wipe dripping noses, wearily wave away
The fly-ridden promises issuing out of the public
Lavatory
Trees under which, hungry and homeless
I emerge from seed to drill a single root into the
Salt stone soil
The effort of a scream of despair.
Cemetary of Mind, Dambudzo Marechera 1992
Africa World Press, 1999

Wednesday, 7
that is am looking for a vindication of my life - why is it and why do i live

no idea what to write. i open my oxford tome to find the following word:
hemlock noun 1 poisonous plant with a mass of small white flowers growing at the end of a stem that is covered in spots 2 poison made from hemlock

Monday, 5
for about five years i've been taking an antidepressant for a better sleep to prevent suffering from burnout. but as side effect occured a bad, unbalanced mood (feeling disturbed) the following day. as consequence i've done without since a while - going to bed early, sleep every here and then when i am sleepy during the day though i can be sure of having enough sleep. summing up i feel better, more normal, more me.

Sunday, 4
dialectics vs. the holy trinity

Saturday, 3
consulting my fb messenger i've found out that there is a second inbox called other. probably i've seen it before, but i forgot about the existence of this the other. however, i checked it and discovered a message sent by a boyfriend from my late teenage years as well as an attached picture of myself shot in that very time (actually by my father on behalf of me for promotion - ). interesting... i posted it on my fb timeline. hmm, i got a plenty likes like never before. am a bit proud, so why not bring it here as remembrance of things past.

Friday, 2
Happy new year to everybody.

"We lay on our backs in search. In hope. In faith. In something. We push against walls till our skin crack and our bones ache. We stand on center stage, moving our lips and say things about love till we bite on our tongues and bleed from our sides. We run to the street corner, stand beneath the lamp post - puke in our mouths and swallow"
*#ONCEIWASAPOET
fb, Khanysile Mintho Mbongwa