Thursday, 31
Finally, it's not of denotation what
language we talk, while a coherence
should be established
in harmony adequate to everybody's
discretion no matter
of religion, ethnic group, nationality,
family or
any peers of defined background.
-------------------------------------
It is summer and I am freezing!
-------------------------------------
I've changed my tack.
When people speak Standard German
mostly broken filled with arrogance
though I've been talking in Swiss German
consider I've been living here for 30 years
but they recognised something in my voice
that sounds not originally Swiss
I don't beg them to speak dialect
because I live here too and that's the
talking here - my life.
I changed my tack to just listen and
wait and hope it will be finished soon
and realise that one will not be my friend
probably.
(my contribution to 2morrow's Swiss National Day)

Wednesday, 30
In times of we being young we put our forearms next to each other to compare our tans. These days I put it on my belly or legs to check the synergy of my whole body. Competition is prevalent among youngsters, elders are more likely to be modest.
...........................
Anyway,
someone recently has advised me
(sounded almost like a saying) :
Don't let people exploit you.
I keep that one in mind
like my preference for candor -
open heart what seems to be difficult
nowadays where everything seems
to be calculation.

Monday, 28
I was worrying about success.
Now I know success is not of importance.
Don't let your heart get poisoned
by aspiring mind
I remind myself.
Feeling humility is a slow
though perennial pace into bliss and
inspiration.
-------------------
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
-------------------
A bottle of wine, for a woman too
much, she tells me.
Unfortunately a woman's body
gets more damaged by use
of alcohol than a man's.
Make a break, she recommends,
give your liver a chance
to recover. X-ray makes no sense.
It will not show what should be seen.
Mrt too costy.
Let me wait, time will heal. Sweating
- bananas and dried fruits
regulate a water supply. In the
morning some exercises make
your day good and crazy.

Sunday, 27
Lyrics help to transform truth into something that belongs to a realm where law and order cannot comprehend. I hope I will finally learn to talk in poems.

Saturday, 26
The green of the plants implies summer, but the sky looks winter.

Thursday, 24
Trying to follow the osteo's advice I've been for swimming. The Rhein is full of water and fast. I've made my program at 70%, it was like a knife cutting my shoulder. I'll do the x-ray, but first I've to consult my doctor, because she has to decide and write a letter of referral. Monday.

Wednesday, 23
While getting the features of my new camera met upon expressions I admittedly haven't known before (in English) like depth of field and exposure.

Tuesday, 22
D88*, D87*

Since long time have been reading the term RGB, but never was conscious about that the letters mean colour. Red, Green, Blue, you see is actually too much colour so there is finally no colour unless you leave yourself get blinded by them.

just do what i like, more or less doing nothing, green tea and ginger. frequenting my little studio, thinking about what makes sense for me to do without fearing immediate resolution. some seconds ago found out that the only toilet on this floor is not for me to use. how could i expect that there is something for me here.

- pain, pain, pain, please leave - vaporise without harming the body

As my residency osteopath left for holidays I went to see another one (part of a fitness center) where I had to pay immediately after treatment (normally I get invoices after several meetings). This new doctor delivered two sessions and told me if I won't be better after I should x-ray and look for a different therapy. Further he advised me to do fitness upto 70% of my normal performance. I don't know, but it was not a lot of help than just conveying a calculating-costs-manner what makes me feel more sick even. Like he apprehended treating me would be too expensive for society here.

Monday, 21
Still problems with my shoulder. Movements become difficult and slow. I fear I cannot do what I've planned to do.

Sunday, 20
C70* Mutiny

Saturday, 19
Supermarkets for food frequently change places of their products what makes me wasting my time for searching. Sorry. I don't waltz through shopping.
---------------
People often complain about when it's hot. But actually, they like it. It's more like a release, a relaxation - let me enjoy the few weeks of warmth.
---------------
I STILL WORK ON THE COMMENTBOX...
---------------
People often acknowledge my body and looks, but they always collate: concerning your age... (in other words: your times have expired to be beautiful:)

Friday, 18
I like to keep a lot of books and music. This is a different way:
It used to cut me up, selling my books and my records, but increasingly I enjoy having to do it. It makes me feel streamlined. There's very few books I want to keep once I've read them. And how many records does a person need anyhow? I just need a record to put on when I get up, one for when I'm getting ready to go out and one for going to sleep to. Replace them regularly and that's all I need. There's only so many bands that have really meant something to me over the years.
- cold water -

Monday, 14
Tonight I am going to travel by night train to Hamburg. For distraction I've downloaded another book, Cold Water by Gwendoline Riley. Some new world to enter, hopefully passing the night in flight though it is a train.
--------------------------------
talkin, talkin, the whole day, talkin.
no breaks
Who am I, not worth of a proper conversation,
not worth of a shared action.
---------------------------------
It's raining. Everything is dirty and smells. The sun is not strong enough to dry the goo out and free the mud from slime (mucus).

Sunday, 13
Even more of pain today. No escape. Let me just hope for the better.

Saturday, 12
So much pain, my shoulder kills me. I am about to fear certain movements, just to prevent pain. Rain since days, cold like in autumn. Life is a nuisance at the moment. No sun, no fun.

Friday, 11
People compare themselves by saying they are younger or older whereat older often is connoted negatively. Why not instead of 'I am eight years younger than you' saying 'I've been living eight years less than you'. Or instead of asking 'How old are you?' - 'How long have you been living?'

Thursday, 10
Indeed.

Wednesday, 9
You see, sometimes thoughts are going negative. No hope, only death. And it's real. That is how life is. Being happy, of course, is nice and eases. Looking forward to changing for the better helps too, but why not accept death as part of life. And as deliverance. Then, free from expectations for only good experiences, you can perceive life in its essential symptoms.

Hopping from painkiller to painkiller to get at ease. Life is bad, but that pain in my shoulder makes it worse. Cannot find peace in my work, not able to concentrate. There are people who haunt me, something I can prove by experience. Especially those, who hurt me and then tell me I shouldn't take it personally when they misuse me for their own interests and wellbeing. Yes, I have to make out who wants me alive acknowledging my energy, my personality, my ideas, whatever, and those who are biased, who wish me dead, who grant nothing for me. I tell you, every person I meet I'll scan to get her or his attitude towards me. - Barking dogs don't bite, I know - but why not bark to make people pause and think.

Tuesday, 8
A hint from goal setting app:
The way you approach a goal will ultimately affect whether you will achieve it or not. The good news is that you can break free from whatever is holding you back.
Friends and family are next in line. They may have your best interests at heart, but often their inaction is what lies behind their advice to you. It is really common for those around to hold you back simply because they are not doing anything themselves. For example, if you are losing weight, some of your support system will inadvertently sabotage you by offering you food or alcohol. I'm not saying that all advice is bad, it's just that sometimes the most well meaning of comments can empty your fuel can faster than, well a very fast thing. You need to spot these things when someone or something is draining your fuel and put a stop to it, either mentally or physically. - Yeah it happens that people want me happy on one hand, on the other hand I see the way they look and talk that they don't really believe in my plans moving to Africa forever. By the way, their own life seems more important, I mean, they want me to follow them. So, who helps who?

---- goal setting - a 2 year plan ---- (goal setting is my servant, not my master)
A friendly voice at the phone. She says, yeah, at the age -not edge- of fifty eight it will be possible for me to retire early and emigrate. But, she says, it is only at the end of the year that she can tell me exactly what I'll get, because they are about to change laws. Ok, I'll wait... and two more years to stay here for the living. In case there is no other chance to open up my horizon. A healer recently has told me, dreaming is allowed, but Africa would be too difficult. A lot of people think like her scrupling about rega, health insurance and patient care, hot climate, malaria, and so on - above that the healer told me... and then you will run out of money and won't be able to pay your flight back (to where? to a life full of bureaucracy?). No, no, no, I am better, I tell you, I will have a life I cannot even dream of, so good. Oh happy day when I say: I've managed it. To stick to my plan and to achieve, I'll every day think about, open my heart for it and write down everything of importance to maintain a strong forward leap.

Sunday, 6
Museum again, some left over grains of sand descendant from Bar Beach in my espadrilles.

Saturday, 5
Then, here and then, my mind goes to you and wonders how you achieved what you achieved. You should be proud, really, that is what I think. I am going to check your likes, your hits, and catch myself following you to learn how far you are now, and how far I am behind. But then I mob myself saying, stopp... And then I ask myself if you are fine, happy with your life. And, if we could share happiness like being friends.

Friday, 4
I've met up with an interesting lecture of my former art school friend held in Australia. She made her way to talk to the people and be respected for what she is saying.

Thursday, 3
Regarding freedom and liberty I sometimes prefer to be reduced to a few possibilities. The bigger the choice the harder to choose. Why then should I do coz I know no choice can satisfy me. Pain appears when there is no reason. Less is more in case of unlimited range.

Wednesday, 2
My laptop is impending to collapse soon. That's why I don't take it to work, maybe tomorrow after a small repose.

Tuesday, 1
A new era starts. (from desert towards sea)