Saturday, 31
- stop dreaming... start something -
Adekunbi Adeoye on interview at Aspire Saturdaysun:
As first social enterprise business in Nigeria, what does it take to undertake?
First is, you must be focused. Another thing is that, you must avoid shortcuts and make sure you are bold enough and have the courtesy to get into the field and make the desired difference that you seek. You must be a problem solver. All the problems and challenges along the way must be recognised as one of those things. Another thing I will say is that you should make sure that you are open to partnership and to collaborate. There is no need having more people and multiple, duplicates of something when you know you can collaborate with somebody or partner some of the people already doing it.

Friday, 30
I went to Nike Art Gallery. Four floors, a lot of art works. I had the impression it was like a super market for rich people to buy art. After I went to Elegushi Beach, 100% Bar, where I met that guy who offered a job to me recently. We ordered grilled fish, drank beer. The story about is that he left earlier and paid for both of us. Me leaving a bit later as well paid for both. Together we almost paid 18k nira (approx. 90 Euro), hey, what is too much, obviously. What means us doing business together would mean ruin. Just to learn from adversity.

Thursday, 29
Anyhow I am still here - still serving, sometimes surfing, hope you are proud of me. (to my parents)

Wednesday, 28
The question is what back means. If I traveled to Nigeria again, would mean going back as well. In other words there is no going back, but forward.

I love Lagos. It will be difficult for me to go back.

Tuesday, 27
It doesn't matter where I am. If the vibes are good, it will be fine.

Monday, 26
I grew up with brother and sister, like I mentioned before. Sister is more difficult, because with brother we could define our indenties just by gender. With sister we had to find out. Who is who. Not to be the same. (Actually I very much liked the twin teens books, additionally I am a gemini, but most sisters don't like to be like me.) So they do everything to challenge me. Sometimes I challenge too and then they are hurt. So I have to give them their full strength, so everything will be fine.

Ah know ma voice not sweet. Me need a time to find the right tune. To much pressure no good.

Sunday, 25
Everybody's darling doesn't exist as such, however, people who are called like this probably are lonely, because they have to please every second. Just being used and exploited. Whatever, at the end of the day it is the everybody's darlings who have to reflect their actions and in case they don't like their role to just fulfill other's people' expectations they have to change their behaviiour.

Interesting - some moments of the past come back here and then. For example a picture that have come to my mind since long is about a small do-it-yourself shop in an avenue, green trees. Absolutely nothing special about, actually a very boring picture. But, it seems it is not ready to disapear from my memory. Or, better, I don't have the tools to delete it. Other pictures, which are involved in much more excting experiences can only be reactivated by the people I have been together in that situation.
Indeed, humankind produces things similar to them, PCs, laptops, mobiles are a derivation of our brain and our senses. Technical memory space by now is of an extent that it cannot be controlled by a human being. Like we are not able to annimate every of the personal memories in our heads, some will ever stay in subconscous. Nevertheless, on the whole, within computers we have more possibilites for editing.

Saturday, 24
Somebody asked me if I would like to live in Lagos, as my first residence. I answered, yes, I would, if I got an opportunity to work here.
Movements in my stomach, when I think about how I entered Lagos full of hope to explore a Mega city. Now, that i know it I have to dismiss my first overview to get into a more detailed approach.

Stress. Fear. Under pressure. Fear of failure. Have been here in Lagos for three weeks, but I feel I have been doing nothing. Nothing important. Not being creative. No new strategies for my future. No solutions, no decisions. I won't be different, when I fly back, but have got to know many people I haven't known before. That is something. Sometimes it is just the name of a person, sometimes a life story, sometimes a hug, a kiss, sometimes a character.
Someone asked me about my vices - drinking, smoking, feeling lonely, missing people. Some people considered me as arrogant (i.e. too arrogant to lie) what must be a misunderstanding. Concerning lying I am about to learn that truth is a supple thing we have to set within a mutual consent.

Friday, 23
An excursion to the Austrian Embassy at Queens Street.

Thursday, 22
Big show at Art21 _ Odun Orimolade. Being and Becoming.
Awofelebonu -Covering the Inside-
We cover. We cover what we deem as nakedness which is a whole field in itself. Considered an exposure of the flesh could that be an equivalent of vulnerability? One pauses for thought as in some cases nudity equals a level of power but nakedness like vulnerability holds no synonym or attributions to power. On the other hand hiding it opens a door to secrets that in the long run are what constitutes us. Under our clothes there is our skin, under our skin holds our flesh which in turn holds our innards. These of which are supported with our bones. It is walking in a circle this internal world till we simply stop.

sometimes there is hope - still - when i get that feeling ... wake up, wake up

Wednesday, 21
It is the gentleness of this place, the dark and prolific one. The human that you are, among human beings. Ekko has this knowledge, African, eternal, the continent memory that knows to give you.
Oyibo. Doudou.
Longing to sit down and stay. Longing for peace. The world and it's origin; life is a journey. Every one in this eLeistungsdruck. arth where everything moves slowly. Ekko the gentle. Her song in me, the gentle chanting.
Aondo xam man terem.
Tony Soulié, Dominique Sigaud, Lagos, la tropicale, 2001

Tuesday, 20
was it a lost day, i don't know - some days are like they don't exist

Monday, 19
A drive on motorbike on the highway. After they told me I could have gone to prison for that. Anyhow, it has been an exciting ride. At the exhibiton - Scent of a Woman - at Alliance Francaise I've found a catalogue including texts about Lagos:
Monday needs three hours to get back home in the evening. Sometimes four. Five buses to take in all. Fifty kilometers every evening and every morning to go from one district to another. The metropolis is the only horizon.
Face to face- Mouth to mouth.
Reinforced concrete venus the origin of the world. The only barrier possible in the city, the only border. To the south: the oceon. Beyond that - the city.
Ekko.
Her name in Yoruba.
Tony Soulié, Dominique Sigaud, Lagos, la tropicale, 2001
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The mind has to be strong till death takes the body to finish life.

Sunday, 18
my sayings:
- I try not to stick to conventions.
- Feeling like in prison is not a questions of bars.
- I like those things nobody knows. It's only me who knows them.
- When I talk I don't need to write.
- Walking is like talking.

D6*

Saturday, 17
On my mom's birthday, like giving at least small evidence to my existence, I've met a wonderful couple at an opening while waiting for an artist friend who never can make it to be in time. We had an interesting conversation and as a slice from heaven they drove me home in the evening. Concerning my artist friend - a big man - I've found out that rich people are less reliable, because they don't need to. They think only of their wealth to be obtained respectively to be increased. Sabi - that is polemic writing, I don't care - want to rescue my soul as well.

White or black, I am. Running away from yourself doesn't help to make future. Be strong. That's it. Reduce fears and focus on your needs.

Friday, 16
Sabi - I know why I jumped. To make an effort. I just could be here lingering in the sense of wellbeing breathing Lagos life. But then, some voice says: Maren do something and that moment I jump to give maself an impulse of doing.
I've made it to Goethe Institut. They have a huge space on the forth floor in the City Hall, a very prominent place in Lagos. When I went to Freedom Park the doorman asked: Goethe? Yeah, when you are white there is no escape from a predetermined indentity. Something I have to accept, I am not black. About Goethe I don't even know much. Faust - Mephisto, Faust's inner struggle of doing good or wrong. After coming home, a sensual reward: a ride through the village on bike. Wow, such good, smooth drivers.

Thursday, 15
The sun is hot. Blue sky. Just a washing day. Lines down in the compound are empty, clothes are likely getting dry today. Electricity came back after twelve hours. A beautiful day.

Wednesday, 14
I've planned to go out Lagos Island, but at the moment I was set it started raining.
Now is a downpour that I have to stay and to wait for another day to head for Goethe Institut. It's too late or I will stuck in the traffic after.

An incident a friend has told me recently: Once he had a visitor at home whom he presented Avocado filled with prawns and crabs freshly made on a delicate sauce. After having eaten his Avocado the visitor asked: And where is the real food? My friend answered: Did you bring some?
I think that is a good way answering redundant questions.

purse

Tuesday, 13
Have been here for 12 days. When walking around to lose my blindness I still wonder where I am. Nigeria. What am I doing here?
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I am in mañana mood. I mean why should I do when I can do tomorrow.

Don't blame others, blame yourself. And be happy with your life.

Monday, 12
Material things shouldn't be more important than a friend's life.

Femme Fatale, an exhibition at Ford Foundation. A closed space, me alone, except the security guard and a woman behind the counter. But she, she never looked at me. It's the guard's task to watch my steps.
Banana Island - golf cards are carrying people around.
Someone told me I should write a book, in German, to let it being translated after. But I neither feel for writing a book nor in German. I know it's not much what I do here. However, it is part of my life. Maybe one day there will be the need for writing a book.

Sunday, 11
An easy drive outside of Lagos to the jungle, a lot of healthy green. Finally, at home, in the dark, I jumped on my Ipad. It didn't break seriously, but it cracked.

The night full of rain.

Saturday, 10
- nice party at home, good music from the wedding opposite, cool DJs till late while tidying the kitchen -

Friday, 9
the noise, the voices outside make me feel comfortably relaxed - just being, just inhaling lagos life - the healing

I need it - all the talking, the driving around, the sweating, never stop. How happiness finds her way to eternity. It is possible, just some breaks and it will turn up again. No chance for negative thinking. No commitment, but to catch every beauty of life.

Thursday, 8
So I've learned smoking is not allowed in the public, not even in our yard. Sorry for doing wrong. Since 've been living in the city, I forgot that the neighbourhood can be that strict.

Depression is not a solution. Moving forward, not going too deep into thoughts. No water, public electricity broken. When to take next shower, not a question of abundance, but of disposibility.

D5*

Wednesday, 7
at the moment not yet achieved to move around freely. how comes? why i am afraid - no, don't leave me.

no, back and forth. presence is the most realistic.

Tuesday, 6
I've taken a Chakra Test in Internet and they told me all my chakras are either weak or closed. They are sabotaging my reality.

Monday, 5
Yaba, CCA Lagos

Sunday, 4
Freedom Park, Tarkwa Beach

Saturday, 3
Heat and humidity, the buzzing sound of generators and fans make me dizzy like in trance. Movements become sluggish, where to go - a question to answer is easily to be delayed.

Arrived in Lagos, Anthony Village. South pure. Hot, humid, sunshine.

Friday, 2
Inside the plane to Lagos in front of me a mother is sitting with her small child on her lap. Next to her - her man. During takeoff I feel the loneliness being with her child she cannot share at this moment of profound physical experience.
Me, I am sad. Don't know why, could cry. Tears are crawling up and only by effort i can stop them.

The child is now allowed to move on his father's lap. It is approximately one year old, maybe less.
Drinks and snacks are served now. A napkin on which advertised: Warsteiner. Premium German Beer - since 1753.

That man next to me looks like he would like to vanish. I feel old and heavy.