Thursday, July 3
Summertime. Yesterday I met my parents in Freiburg/Breisgau. I went there by our new old car. I like it. Small, but nice. Unfortunately an accident made my trip a little unintimate. For at least 90 minutes I was standing in the blazing sun while ambulances and fire brigades were passing. I felt trapped and Jean-Luc Godard's movie weekend came unevitably to my mind. Finally I escaped by driving through fields and eventually arrived after 3 hours. Normally you can make it in half an hour. It was nice to see my parents enjoying their life now being able to travel around. They could not stop telling stories about their friends' fortunes. Still I see them getting older and sometimes feel worried. Life seems to be short.

Friday, July 4
Summertime. Holyday time. I was looking forward to that easy living in summer, yet I don't feel any ease. It's more like I am leaving a safe place to start a new task that is far from exciting, but rather a dutiful, laborious job. Why so? ...in summer the city becomes smaller and people are more naked... you can see their souls written on their faces... any talk appears to be in vain... life only starts when everybody has returned... Doesn't sound very positive, isn't it? Too much thinking is not good! I hope it will be a nice summertime with a lot of creative input and less consciousness. Everything will turn out all right.

Tuesday, July 8
Had a nice and relaxed Sunday. I was very happy that Raphael Nadal won the final. Unfortunately my mind is a little dull at the moment, my body heavy. I could stay in bed the whole day doing nothing waiting for something to happen. Something that makes me moving.

Monday, July 28
I tell you, I lost a lot of things lastly. And a lot of things broke. In the beginning I am sad, but after a while I find out that is only because I stick too much to those objects. In fact, relationsships are more important for me. When I feel I hurt somebody makes me more depressive. But I think I know I don't hurt no people. Only by being myself I cannot harm anyone. I am no friend of no sneaky weapons. And I finally do not fear adversities.

Wednesday, July 30
I hope there will be no misunderstanding concerning what I wrote yesterday. I don't want people like they are mine. When I say relationsships are most important to me then I mean communication. I need communication. And I like people who are close to life. People who are conscious and don't use me for their advantage.

Friday, August 1
Today is Swiss National Day. Yesterday we did a lot of cleaning to celebrate it appropriately. In the night I enjoyed the fireworks. Now I feel as if the pitch of my voice is very down, like I don't allow myself to be lighthearted. Yet I am optimistic. In the morning I have been surfing the web for South African artists. To see their sophisticated works made me feel more confindent. After we ate very nice fish and listened to music, though not Swiss music.

Tuesday, August 5
Yesterday we ate goat, not Swiss goat, but African goat, which was very nice. Before I used to be vegetarian and I joked that I am a real rasta... I said I don't know if I really could enjoy it. But I did. For sure. I go to work after. Just for an hour. I would prefer getting some sunshine, but it's ok for me. Some things have to be done and you not even consider not doing them. Still there are situations, which affect you to the extend of intolerability that you have to make changes.

Friday, August 8
My body has been paining me last days. And that's why I started complaining. You know, our life isn't easy at all, but as long as I am fine I don't worry. We make it good and try to make our life as convenient as possible. But when energy is fading I start to lose hope. How can we make a good future? When there are only payment requests, but no acceptance. Nevertheless, everybody expects us to be great not showing any weakness. What, when we ourselves need help. Who is there for us? - I hope I will be better soon, yes.

Saturday, August 9
Today a Gambian has told me about Coco Island in Gambia. I searched for it on the map, but I didn't find it. I guess my map isn't exact enough. It should be in the North close to Senegal. Anyone who knows? Seems to be important the way he mentioned it.
I am little better now, but not really fine. Today I will relax trying to prepare for the new season opening out into winter. Anyhow, hopefully coldness will take it's time... School starts on monday. People are back and the city is busy. I gave myself a break and look forward to using words like incredible, terrific, wonderful, gorgeous, amazing and so on, once life tells me so. In fact, lucky moments don't happen by force.

Sunday, August 10
A friend said to me when I told her that my relationsship is a lot better now that younger women finally don't like to be with married men. That's why she finished. And I understand.

Tuesday, August 12
So much rain. I had my first yoga lesson after the summer break. It gave me a good deal of energy and an excellent sensitivity training.
Recently I met up with two diaries:
Melissa P.: a Sicilian schoolgirl priorly writing about her erotic experiences. I actually enjoyed to follow her adventures, which reminded me of de Sade's Justine once in a while. Sometimes inconvenient situations, problems, or difficulties conceal opportunities for growth; very often in the heart of diffuculties shines the light of a precious jewel. It is therefore wise to welcome what is inconvenient and difficult.
The other one was a youtube video with Curator Simon Njami talking about how the reality a diary pretends to reflect becomes an artefact and fiction.

Wednesday, August 13
A lot of people come to our place. They come and go. Some of them I see only once, to some of them I never talk. Some of them I like, but some of them evoke a f...g cold atmosphere. That's what I don't like about them. They are kind of spoilt. For sure, and for those who I like, I want my home to be an inviting place, where we are able to achieve an innovative mutuality.

I registered for a conference in Schaulager.
“Where Does Art End, Where Does Life Start?”

Saturday, 16. August
Impostors
One week ago I got into conversation with a woman who I coincidentally met when I went out for a coffee. Like me she originated from Germany, but had lived in Switzerland quite a while. We talked about our lifes, what we did, what kind of education, work and so on. When it came up to men, she told me that she had been married twice. With the first one, an aritst, she got a daughter. The second one had been an impostor. She was the first woman, who had fallen for such a kind of men, I've ever met. I really felt sorry for her. Of course, I've heard and read lots about them. But they've always been a big niusance to my mind. They don't appear like proper men, but as weak squishy creatures, who are not able to master their lifes on their own. They are far from sexy.

Tuesday, August 19
I don't have children. So many times I've been asked if I've got children. My following NO answer has repeatedly induced the smart sensation of having said something totally wrong. Indeed, I miss them and I know that especially for African people to lead a content life without children is more than difficult.
Therefore I get badly down and depressed, when I open the newspaper or turn on our tv to see all those stars presenting their ever so cute children and implementing the perpetual canon of the happy family life. If you haven't got it, they irrevocably arouse that particular feeling of not being complete. Nevertheless, we manage our life without and when I watch all the fathers and mothers boasting and plugging about their brood, they seem likely to require loads of acknowledgment.

Thursday, August 21
The whole day I've been trying to overcome my tiredness and at same time getting rid of all the stress I put on myself. I feel kind of relaxed now.

Friday, August 22
I like Fridays and I am even fond of the Swiss trademark Freitag, of which I've got already three bags. I've finally finished Mian Mian’s book -Candy- (Tang). The Chinese Government banned her books as well as those of Wei Hui. I loved to read them both. They are close to life, honest and not afraid of describing dreams and visions. Not afraid to dive deeply into life proving its abysses. Revealing ambiguities they communicate the seesaw between practicing freedom on one hand, and society’s demands on the other. They both discover the cruelty and coldness of a party life that actually should have been like heaven. It has no heart. There is no such thing as friendship there. No one is your friend. But My books are not for intellectuals. My readers are in the streets, in a disco listening to cool music. I don't want to teach anybody, Mian Mian said, My only message is: This world is cruel. But you can survive.

Monday, August 25
This morning I've wondered where the difference between being depressed and being lazy could be. Yesterday, I had a very nice morning. It was a beautiful sunny day. I could have embraced the whole world. But, when I arrived at my studio, I felt so depressed I could hardly work. I rather felt like crying. I knew everybody was enjoying Sunday together with friends or family and me, I was there in the dark and cold studio having to work. Lazy or depressed? Possibly you blame me for wallowing in self-pity. (It's even my idea, because I write it - author's note). Lazy, because not disciplined. For sure depressed, when the mind darkens in this manner. To conclude I was depressed and as a result lazy.

Thursday, August 28
Idleness is gone and I feel fine now. We had a beautiful talk about our future and about our journey we plan to do soon. So my loneliness fortunately has vanished.