Sunday, May 11
My former notebook (laptop), which I bought in 2002, capitulated on exactly 1 May. Like demonstrating it had worked enough. The screen suddenly stayed dark. I went to an apple shop on friday 2nd for support. They suggested to make an estimate of costs what would have taken several days and even no guarantee for a pleasing solution. Or to buy an external screen.
I decided for an external screen and explored several shops. The costs ranged between three and four hundered swiss francs. I was amazed by the big sizes of novel screens and looking forward to working on such one. On the other hand, their resolution didn't fit properly to my old ibook. As a matter of fact, the external screen idea was not beyond doubt. It would mean additional costs, because sooner or later I had to buy a new one. Its only a matter of short time that my ibook will collapse totally.
So I made up my mind and was looking for a new one. I was very happy ordering a brand new black MacBook. It has a bigsized harddisc and looks good. Now that I am working on it I feel proud and easy.

Monday, May 12
I am quite desperate about growing older. I remember a friend saying the higher age us women are the lower is our market value. However, I think as long as I respect myself life can be ok. And yet, when I have been meditating about drugs this morning I somehow could imagine the flight into them. It is about displacing the pain and changing reality.

Saturday, May 17
Today is the last day of my exhibition, and my mother's birthday. As far as I know none of my pictures was sold. Great. So my motivation going to studio and continue painting dropped to almost zero. Instead, I enjoy staying home, relaxing and watching tv. Creative times will come back. Or not, I don't care.

Saturday, May 24
My friend Cornelia asked me about my diary, why I didn't write. It was, because somehow I was afraid to settle my claim. She encouraged me to continue.
Today seems to be a special day. I met a lot of people I haven't seen since long. Sometimes it happens that there is a mystical athmosphere around. Past events coming to life again. Kind of time machine. Dipping into former incidents reanimated by superior conditions.

Sunday, May 25
Today is Africa Day and Cornelia's birthday. In case I don't see you today, I wish all the best for your life, that you will be happy, keep well and fit, and are content and prosperous in everything you are doing.
Concerning Africa I very much hope that there will be no more rule by dividing.
I again attended a lecture about Africa some time ago. It was held by Mohomodou Houssouba and was part of the same series of lectures I had attended before: the African view on Europe. His approach was that he questioned the topic's character. He asserted that the Europeans first looked at Africa and that the first view of African people on Europe was emerged with the coming of the Europeans to Africa. And it wasn't a deliberate view. On the contrary, Africans were forced to adore Europeans, all their wonderful things they had created. Beyond that admiration Africans had to adopt their so-called Western system. They were exploited ad nauseam. Humanly, spiritually, and materially. Europeans were boasting with their history and not even felt guilty that they had destroyed other people's history all over the world. So Houssouba was definitely right to question the lecture's style.

Wednesday, June 4
I was at the Art Basel opening yesterday evening. A lot of people, a lot of art. I was fed up after one hour and preferred to go home. I hope I will make it next days. Even I was kind of little sick.

Sunday, June 8
Hello. I went to the Art again, inclusive liste 08 and scope basel. I was more relaxed even and could take some pictures. So much art. I saw the artists' urge of expressing their inner values. Fortunately, they were not eaten up by business. However, galerists help us artists to survive. I really respect their attempt to give us a chance to continue.

Monday, June 9
I have been to my studio this morning, but I didn't feel blessed. Therefore I couldn't work good. Something inside me was telling me that something was wrong. I checked what happened and I decided to change my working style. Last days I worked on the same picture only. It is a nice one, but I think to have different possibilites to work on would be more efficient.

Thursday, June 19
Today is my birthday and I am enjoying it. As a matter of fact I am celebrating it secretly. By just being happy and nobody knows. Sounds strange, but let me explain: I remember not long time ago I was sad and somehow thought I was a bad person, because when my birthday finally arrived neither greetings nor presents could satisfy me strongly. Total disappointment. Total frustration. Childlike. So I decided for this year to make it a day like everyday, just keeping my petty secret knowledge that allowed me to be a little more happy than normal.

Monday, June 23
I ask myself if doing my art can really do what it is supposed to do - making understanding possible. I always tried to put an urgency into my art that frees itself from irrelavance. Doing my art also means to maintain my self-respect. Who am I without my art? It is my identity and it is connected to my daily life.