A little fatal
i believe in self-determination
there's nothing quite like the quiet power
of shaping your own life
and yet, the older i get, the more fiercely
i cling to my choices
while my willingness to bend, to adapt
thins like old paper
that troubles me
my perceptions have grown vague
i no longer know when it's wiser to yield
than to go on carving my own path
sometimes it feels like i'm marching
to the beat of my own drum
following my own orders
briskly, blindly,
as if no one's watching
and as it wouldn't matter if they were
as i am invisible, a ghost
maybe that's the loneliness speaking
not much company
though
when i do have i soften
then i am easy
i listen i yield
indeed
most people expect
me to decide
they're busy. tired. tied to other lives
and don't step into mine
here, in this neighborhood
they call me Mina
to them, that's who i am
i let them have it
lately, i feel i'm going emotionally blind
not seeing the world around me
only from within
just the dim reflection of myself in it
Meme
over the years, i've grown
used to steering the ship
and i bristle when the wind resists me
but there's a gentleness
i miss
the sweetness of surrender
the relief of not knowing
of being a little fatal
and
letting the current carry me
for once
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday, 23
Amie has been cleaning for us twice a week, Monday and Thursday, for two months. We're very happy to have found someone from the neighbourhood to help us clean. Because she's a Christian, she didn't come on Monday. She was supposed to come back tomorrow. But now we've received the terrible news that her brother-in-law, her husband's younger brother, was killed in an accident. It happened not far from here - Tintinto House - at the Estate Junction. i tell you, the highway is terrible. i always get a bad feeling when i cycle there (have special shoes in fluorescent color for this). Many cars drive too fast, and their overtaking is often risky.
The young man, about 18 years old, was performing with a carnival group on the highway when someone warned the others about an approaching truck. The boy saw it too late and couldn't avoid it in time. After the truck hit the boy, he tried to swerve but crashed into a power pole. Very bad. Sad. There are too many accidents, too many who can't drive, and the cars aren't safe and and and. It's a horror.
There's even a trend called drifting. This involves intentionally skidding, always near people. i've witnessed two such cases. Once, at a concert (with DJ Fire Man in Sanyang), a car drove at insane speed onto the football field where the concert was taking place and skidded. Everyone had to get to safety. Luckily, nothing happened. Last week, as we were eating near the road at Kadie Kadie in Kololi, i was terrified to see this and imagined the car colliding with other cars. But luckily, nothing happened there either. Nevertheless, i heard that someone has died as a result of drifting. or maybe more... you don't really know, though there are sometimes panels in tv where they discuss how to make the traffic safer. i've been hoping for this for a long time, but with every accident i am taught something different.
However, nothing can save the boy anymore. May he rest in peace.
Friday, 18
Good Friday
today, while training French on an app, i found out that my name means godmother. even though i had French at school and spent a year on an artist residency in Paris, the fact that my name Maren (which my parents gave to me after birth) - pronounced the same but spelled "marraine" - means godmother either escaped me or i was never aware of it. was it predetermined that i wouldn't become a mother? no, i think it's more of a coincidence. however, i was never appointed godmother, and am - according to the rules of kinship - merely an aunt. later, on my journey to self-determination, i gave myself the name Mimi, which is what most people call me now. some spell it "Meme," hahaha, like "I," "me," all about me. it fits.
Thursday, 17
i wonder why one should search for hidden information, as mentioned in the poem below, that the obvious is too simple. With the obvious, the search itself is unnecessary. There is no reason to search, because the information is on the table, is there, is visible, graspable, consciously or subconsciously.
It's probably about the need to understand. At the same time, one should acknowledge that it's not possible to understand everything, which can be easily explained using the example of languages. There are countless languages, and nobody can understand them all or at least not without translation aids. This, in turn, can be transferred to other sciences. What chemicals a paint contains or how far away the moon is cannot be explained at a glance.
If i want to know, i have to search for the answer, of course, these days made easier by the internet. Whether the answers given there actually correspond to the truth is anyone's guess.
However, the reason that this question about the hidden interests me, concerns rather the interpersonal relationships. The question of what someone's comment actually meant often preoccupies me. i then become unsure and lose myself in interpretations whose veracity is completely questionable.
In order to quickly find a solution in the context of this diary, though, i'd say that you should perceive the ambiguity about what was said as neutrally as possible, i.e. reduce the content of the words to the statement. (Someone says: The weather is fine. This means that the weather is fine in the eyes of the person making this statement.)
And, what is important here, accept it and stop questioning it. (Why the person has said that the weather is fine.) In other words, obvious information is an achievement that should not be undervalued. Uncovering hidden information is only necessary if this leads to insights that help to answer the original questions more comprehensively. In each case, you then have to weigh up whether the effort for further reasearch is worthwhile or not.
20250314
What a book! i have to admit, i took a short break from Tremor, or let's say i'm used to reading two books at once. i started The Death of the Author at the beginning of the year and was fascinated on the spot, but read just the sample because i couldn't download the full version. My debit card had been expired end of the year, and due to some changes within the bank, they haven't been able to issue me a new one - by now.
Finally, a few weeks ago, i got one from another provider and downloaded the entire book into my digital library. However, i took another break to enjoy Tremor.
i actually don't notice much difference between analog and digital when it comes to the content. The digital version is obviously closer to science fiction. Now i'm back with Nnedi Okorafor and immediately captivated. What the two authors have in common is their Nigerian roots.
Before Zelu could even respond to that, Wind had shut the door. “Bitch,” Zelu muttered to herself. She threw her purse on the bed, looked around the room, and scoffed, annoyed. This room was creepily perfect. She hoped this had to do with Msizi, rather than these people stalking her online or something.
— Death of the Author: A visionary new science fiction novel from the
international bestseller by Nnedi Okorafor
Kindle Edition
Before Koriteh i bought a new printer; the print head of the old one could not be replaced. The installation of the new one took too much time; i think Epson isn't very compatible with all my Apple machines. My previous HP printers weren't a problem with this. For my old computer from 2013, i need a USB-to-USB cable, which i have to purchase first; it wasn't included. The Indian guy at the store (we once had a short chat and he told me he was from India) recommended this printer. i asked him directly if this wasn't a sales gimmick, but he explained that he was concerned about his customers' satisfaction. Nevertheless, just to be safe, i asked my AI, which also advocated for the Epson. What i like about the new printer is that it's very handy, simple, without LED displays, and not from the US. Borderless printing doesn't seem to work like it did with my previous HP printers, which rules out enlargements by printing only. i no longer bother with touching up the edges, as i used to do a long time ago.
The return trip from Juffureh went smoothly. No waiting at the ferry and an easy river crossing in 20 minutes. We even arrived in Tintinto in time to fill the water tank.
The goat house is now being built; i've already bought a goat, but it's currently being looked after by our neighbours. We also raised the fence. A few weeks ago, we were robbed one night. Despite our dogs' intense barking, we were alerted too late and couldn't catch the thieves. They stole our large Bluetooth speaker, which was in the studio, as well as a solar battery. We found one next to the fence, and they had already disconnected all of them. Which proves we scared them off. In naive trust, we left our doors unlocked overnight. Not anymore, of course. But, as i keep saying, and what's very important to me, we are not to blame; we didn't commit the crime.
Friday, 4
newsletter by HKW (Haus der Kulturen der Welt, Berlin)
Deberlinization
Refabulating the World, A Theory of Praxis
Conversations, Talks, Reading, Music, Screening
Fri., 25 – Sun., 27 April
In 1884–85, German Chancellor Otto von Bismarck convened a conference in Berlin to organize the division of the African continent between the emerging industrial and military powers. This meeting, attended by fourteen European countries, the United States, and the Ottoman Empire, was primarily aimed at securing their extractivist and commercial interests. This process led to a profound fragmentation of the endogenous political structures of the African continent, leaving a lasting mark on its political, economic, and social history.
140 years after this pivotal event, it seems urgent to unravel the structures knotted by the principles of colonial appropriation, identify their continuities, and settle their epistemological legacies. Curated by Ibou Coulibaly Diop and Franck Hermann Ekra, Deberlinization does this in the city where these structures were codified—bringing together activists and practitioners from the fields of visual arts, performing arts, cinema, music, architecture, literature, economics, the humanities and social sciences, and politics.
With Yousra Abourabi, Didier Awadi, Memory Biwa, Seloua Luste Boulbina, Simukai Chigudu, Mansour Ciss Kanakassy, Daniele Daude, Nikita Dhawan, Mamadou Diouf, Soeuf Elbadawi, Christine Eyene, Tiken Jah Fakoly, N'Goné Fall, Julia Grosse, Maguèye Kassé, Maame A.S. Mensa-Bonsu, Célestin Monga, Simon Njami, Ladan Osman, Raphaëlle Red, Djelifily Sako, Alioune Sall Paloma, Maboula Soumahoro, Ẹniọlá Ànúolúwapọ́ Ṣóyẹmí, Hildegard Titus, Abdourahman Waberi, Hyam Yared, Abdenour Zahzah
Thursday, 3
HAT
the obvious annoys me
i like the hidden revelations
and prefer to find out the clue
rather than be drastically made aware of it
if someone wants to open my eyes
though i am not
prepared
i will
distance myself
turn away and declare
the unambiguity to be boring
Wednesday, 2
Art Space Work of the Month
Almir da Silva Mavignier - Designs of stamps for the 100th birthday of Paul Klee, offset, 1979
"Stadtbild" (cityscape), painting, 1926
67 x 48 cm *