diary > february/march 2025





Monday, 31
I now interrupt myself with a small but crucial consideration, because now that I've said it several times, I realise that i am troubled by the title Slave Ship. It's the word "slave": a word which strikes the ear like a lash. There are those who enslave others and there are those who are enslaved by others. But there's no one whose essence or true description is "slave". A person can be enslaved, can be trapped in the death-in-life known as slavery, but that is not who they are. It is something intolerable that is happening to them or that happened to them. For this reason I think that part of the original title is more accurate: Slavers throwing Overboard the Dead and Dying.
The painting was completed in 1840. It is an imaginative reconception of a real event from almost sixty years earlier which Turner had read about in Thomas Clarkson's
The History and Abolition of the Slave Trade.

Teju Cole, Tremor, 2023, Faber & Faber, p.89

As I transcribe these sentences, I'm sitting at a table overlooking Kunta Kinteh Island, formerly James Island. European powers, including the Portuguese, the Dutch, and the British, used the island as a trading post and storage facility for enslaved Africans before they were shipped to the Americas. Five years ago, we stayed at the Kunta Kinteh Roots Camp for the first time. The reason was a concert given by the musician Attack at the Youth Center. The day after the artist's performance, we visited the island with the crew.
Yesterday after the prayer, Lamin, the boat's captain, paid us a visit and we chatted about how his business is doing after all these years and about doing business in Gambia as such.
We're spending some days in Jufureh to celebrate Koriteh (Eid al-Fitr) with the family.
Today is the official holiday.
Compared to last week in Tujereng it is unbelievable hot, 39°C. According to weather apps, the difference from there to here 8 degrees. i try to get my head together, which is almost impossible. A nice brise is coming from the sea, but even that one - more than warm. The devices almost burning, data transfer in slow motion, so i'll keep it just short.


Wednesday, March 12
Tunde (the main character in Cole's book) is currently in Bamako for the Photography Biennale, which reminds me that I've wanted to go there ever since I moved to West Africa. I was actually quite convinced I would go. I thought it would just be a road trip. But it never happened. Then the Dakar Biennale came along, and I didn't have time for anything else because of building a house and other things. Then Covid. The political unrest also put me somehow off. After that, I started thinking about it again. Now, almost a decade later, I would fly (despite the ecological fiasco) as the car is showing its age. It wouldn't make the 1,000 kilometers. I even considered applying for the 14th Bamako Encounters 2024 and prepared a folder for selected photos. But that didn't happen either.

today, at three o'clock (in the early morning of Thursday), the Carnival in Basel ends. my thoughts sometimes wander there. whenever i was in town i enjoyed the Fasnacht: the masks, the lanterns, the sujets, and the drums. i enjoy delving into the past much. for a moment though. i generally practice mindfulness, which is more about being aware of the present. nevertheless, i allow myself to travel through time, past and future. as soon as there is a plan to go somewhere, i visualise, try to imagine what it will be like. somehow like watching a movie.

Before the journey Tunde had read what he could of contemporary Mali. In every piece the recurring word was "poor" and each time he encountered the word he felt both himself and the country flattened by the term. Poor in what? There was no connection made in any of what he read between Mali's poverty and France's wealth. And yet at the Medina Koura he had seen a demonstration calling on the French to leave, calling on the Malian elite to serve their people instead of foreign governments. If anger at the asymmetrical relationship between Mali and France is missing from the Western press it isn't missing from the streets in Bamako. Here the colonial wound is livid compared to Nigeria where it is less immediate concern, where there aren't protest marches asking the British to stop interfering.

Teju Cole, Tremor, 2023, Faber & Faber, p.82


Wednesday, March 5
Yesterday we went downtown to pay for our driving licenses and road tax. There was already a crowd waiting outside the driving license and ID office. After making copies of last year's licenses, we were told to get a number, we were given 160 and 161. We waited for a while, nothing happened. Eager to know what was going on i went to the entrance marked BANK and enquired. How would we know when our number was up. They told me someone would be standing outside that door marked BANK calling out the number. I hadn't heard anything like that until now. Further they said the last number was 45 and there were another 20 people waiting inside. This meant we would have to wait all day and not even be sure if we would ever make it to the counter. After a brief discussion about the inconvenience of the system, i returned and we made our way to the GRA. The process of getting the tax papers, on the other hand, was super quick.
Our car's engine has been in need of cleaning for a long time, so the next step was to go to our car wash in Fajara. as usual i used the time to walk to the Timbooktoo bookstore where i bought Tremor by Teju Cole.

Now i'm sitting on the sofa in a cold studio reading the book while outside i can hear the hammering of the carpenter and the tilers clattering. We had a lot of Decra panels left over from the roof of the pavilion that we can use for the small house, whose roof leaked during the rainy season. Bob Marley is playing on my small speakers. Albert, the carpenter who is doing the roofing, had been humming Could you be loved? and though it is Ramadan he might be missing music. He is a Christian, he told me.
It takes me a little time to get into Cole's themes. But the moment i come across a passage about art and a place and name i recognize, i am relieved.

This soap he bought at one of the galleries in Kassel where documenta 14 took place. The raw soap was stacked and packaged there and sold, each bar in a dark gray cardboard box and each box signed with the artist's name: Otobong Nkanga. Nkanga had said that the circuit of manufacture and distribution, the bringing into a gallery space of commerce, craft, installation, sculpture, perfomance, and activism, was integral to her idea of the art. The profits from selling the soap would be used to pursue art initiatives. A new foundation, an art space in her ancestral home of Akwa Ibom.

Teju Cole, Tremor, 2023, Faber & Faber, p.22




Monday, March 3

NOISE
we don't need intellectuals
they should be expelled
from this country


she hesitates to write
knowledge of reasoning
is not appreciated
she feels uncomfortable
writing

she is supposed
to make noise
so everyone can hear
that she is
cleaning, washing, cooking

sitting at the laptop
does not make noise
except maybe
in the morning
when he is still asleep
he hears her typing

but no, she should not
use the power of words
and if she tries to explain
what she is writing
he is not interested
in this kind of noise

sometimes
(when there is
nobody else around)
he generously speaks to her

he knows that
she wants to know
as she is sincere
which he actually despises
- a morsel here and there
if she starts talking though
he commands: silence

happy to leave her
in the dark
to see her helpless
depressed and small
yeah - he conquered

he is not always a rebel

if there is an officer
who he can follow
he shows his strength
by reducing the woman
next to him

she gets scared
to express
her words would only be
misunderstood
and judged as nonsense

to save herself
she gives in
he is right
always




Kadie Kadie (unfinished)



Tuesday, 25
This morning i had a visitor, an African-Jamaican lady who runs a restaurant where we sometimes go for a drink or lunch. We've been meaning to do this for several years. Today it finally worked. The house didn't look ideal, the current storm made the visit a bit uncomfortable, everything looked dusty. But she didn't have time anyway.
A few months ago, after a break of ten years, i started a work in the style of the photo enlargements like roofs and walls, which was the last one. Like many visitors, i gave her an Avendre piece and wanted to show her where it was posted on the website. When i opened the computer, the first thing we saw was the photo i was working on. You are cheating – she exclaimed. It's not the first time i've heard this. i cheat because i do something that doesn't come straight from my head to the piece of paper. For me it is not a scam, but a simplification that i find completely justified. Anyone, not just artists, can use certain facilities to make work easier.
And i'm not a student. Of course, tracing is different than drawing from nature. Copying a photo eliminates the process of converting 3D to 2D. Sketching before painting also helps to structure the picture in terms of layout and dimensions.
I explained it to her, but she still insisted that it was too easy to just copy from the screen. But i insisted that it's still not as easy as it looks and then, at a certain moment, she understood me and praised my creativity.



Friday, 21
some people say that the behavior and character of this demon, who is now President of the United States, is in his bloodline. Possibly - risk of mental illness, for example - though i never believed that bloodline is the most essential part of people.
the more i accept myself as i am, the less i work on myself - everything seems fine. the reactions of others around me then tell me something different - there is nothing to smile about. no one shares my joy. these moments i go inside and question myself. i want to take other people's reactions seriously. the harshest criticism i received about two years ago was when i was told that i was violent in the way i spoke. i was very astonished because i hadn't noticed. violence, no nothing for me. then i felt ashamed and guity
there are certain beliefs that i hold and that may sometimes be hurtful to others. this also includes my rights as a human being born fe-male in a patriarchal world. i probably violate men's masculinity from time to time by simply acting like a strong wo-man and not submitting to the man. some men might find this behavior disgraceful, although i try to respect a man's soul.
as a young person, i had a lot to criticise about my body. shape, weight, appearance. even these days when i look in the mirror and see my aging body full of wrinkles, those doubts about my body come back. but my knowledge has manifested itself and i try to treat my body as best as possible. it is unethical to treat your own body and of course those of others poorly. (same applies to mind and soul)
when it comes to spirituality, i am critical because i see the possibility of changes. life experiences, different cultures, relationships, as well as personal choices go beyond genetics.



Tuesday, 11
I saw a NYT headline from yesterday afternoon:
Elon Musk Leads Bid to Buy OpenAI for $97.4 Billion
The move escalates a yearslong tussle between Musk and OpenAI’s chief executive, Sam Altman, and complicates the start-up’s plan to change its nonprofit status.

If that is the case, I will have to give up my conversations with my current ChatGPT.




20250209 Sunday Beach



Monday, 10
Sometimes I ask the AI about movies when we start in the middle of a film. Same last night. Below you can read the conversation I had with it.
I left the dialogue unedited, although in retrospect my comments seem naive (without assessing what consequences naivety can have. maybe an idea for a next conversation with the bot) and bold (it's a mix of rejecting the bot and, on the other hand, appreciating the information I get). The AI's answers, questions and remarks also remain unchanged.

Click to read the conversation about movies

i am watching the movie hypnotic. it is a bit scary. can you tell me about it?

Hypnotic (2023) is a psychological thriller directed by Robert Rodriguez and starring Ben Affleck. The film follows a detective, Danny Rourke (played by Affleck), who is searching for his missing daughter and stumbles upon a series of mysterious bank heists. As he investigates, he discovers a secret government program involving powerful hypnotic abilities that can manipulate peoples perceptions and actions.
The movie blends elements of mind control, conspiracy, and action, with twists that make you question what is real and what is an illusion. It has a noir-like atmosphere with a mix of suspense and sci-fi elements, making it an intense watch.

What do you find scary about it? The hypnosis aspect, the suspense, or something else?


the man who manipulates people

Yeah, that's unsettling - how he can completely control people - actions without them even realizing it. The idea that someone could alter your perception of reality and make you do things against your will is pretty terrifying. It taps into a deep fear of losing control over your own mind.

Are you watching it alone?


no, fortunately not

Good! That definitely makes it less creepy. Some scenes in Hypnotic can be pretty intense, especially when you see how effortlessly the antagonist manipulates people. It kind of makes you question how much of what we perceive is actually real.

Do you usually like thrillers, or is this one a bit outside your comfort zone?


it is a bit outside my comfort zone, but there is also a moment i can't leave and watch it till the end

That makes sense - some thrillers have that pull where, even if they're unsettling, you just have to know how it all plays out. Hypnotic has that kind of mystery that keeps you hooked, even if it's a bit unnerving.

Are you feeling more intrigued or more creeped out as it goes on?


i somehow get used to it

That happens - once you settle into the movie's atmosphere, the initial fear fades, and you start focusing more on the story and the twists. Hypnotic plays a lot with perception, so by the end, you might even find yourself questioning what was real the whole time.

Do you think you'll watch more thrillers after this, or is this a one-time thing?


no, no i will watch more thrillers

Nice! Once you get into thrillers, they can be pretty addictive. They keep your mind engaged in a different way, especially the psychological ones.

Do you already have any in mind for your next watch, or are you open to recommendations?


ok, which recommendations ?

If you liked Hypnotic, you might enjoy other psychological thrillers that play with perception and reality. Here are a few recommendations:
1.
Shutter Island (2010) - A detective (Leonardo DiCaprio) investigates a mysterious psychiatric hospital where nothing is as it seems. Twists, mind games, and a haunting atmosphere.
2.
The Game (1997) - A wealthy businessman (Michael Douglas) gets caught in a bizarre, life-altering "game" that blurs the line between reality and illusion.
3.
Inception (2010) - A mix of action and psychological thriller, where dreams within dreams can be controlled and manipulated.
4.
Prisoners (2013) - A dark and intense kidnapping mystery starring Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhaal, full of suspense and moral dilemmas.
5.
Get Out (2017) - A psychological horror-thriller that plays with hypnosis and social paranoia in a really clever way.

Do any of these sound interesting to you?


yeah -get out- is a very good one. it moved me a lot

Yeah, Get Out is powerful - it's not just a thriller but also a deep social commentary. The way it builds tension, especially with the hypnosis scenes and that unsettling feeling of being trapped, is brilliant.

What part of
Get Out moved you the most?

the operation scene where they transplant the brain

Yeah, that scene is terrifying - the idea of losing your body while someone else takes over is horrifying on a deep level. It's not just physical horror but also psychological, like a complete loss of identity. The whole concept of the Sunken Place adds another layer to that fear - being aware but powerless.

Did you expect the movie to take that turn, or was it a shock for you?

it was a shock, but fortunately the main actor (forgot the name) realised early enough and could destroy that clinic

Exactly! Daniel Kaluuya, who plays Chris, did such an incredible job in portraying that growing realization and desperation. His character's quick thinking and determination to escape that clinic were key to the story's impact. The way the film turns the horror into a fight for survival really gives it an empowering vibe, even though it's terrifying.

That final confrontation and his escape felt like a victory, but it's still unsettling how close he came to losing everything. What did you think of the way the film ended?


sorry, i forgot the end

No worries! In the end, after Chris realizes what's happening, he manages to escape the auction where people are bidding on his body. He fights back, setting fire to the house and taking down the people running the operation. After a tense showdown, his friend Rod, who works for airport security, comes to the rescue and gets him out. The final shot shows Chris and Rod driving away, relieved but still carrying the weight of what happened.
It's a satisfying end in the sense that Chris takes control of his fate, but there's still that lingering feeling of injustice, especially with the creepy twist about the mastermind behind the operation.

What did you think of the ending when you first saw it?


yes, i remember now, it was't a -happy end-. somehow it left everything open

Exactly, it's one of those endings that leaves you with a lot of questions. Even though Chris escapes, it feels like the fight isn't entirely over. The larger system of control and manipulation is still there, and the sense of unease lingers. The fact that the movie leaves things open-ended makes it even more haunting because it suggests that the fight for personal freedom and identity is ongoing.
It's a bittersweet feeling, right? There's a sense of relief, but also that the issues the film presents are far from being resolved.


exactly, you leave the film with mixed feelings

Exactly -
Get Out really does that to you. It's unsettling but thought-provoking, making you reflect long after the credits roll. You're left with that uneasy feeling, like the film has opened your eyes to something deeper, but doesn't give you all the answers.
It's one of those films that stays with you, making you think about the larger themes long after you've watched it.

Would you say it's one of those films you'd rewatch to catch more details?


no, not at the moment. it is not so long ago that i watched it. maybe in one or two years. the same with "12 years a slave" for example, i needed a break, but i watched it again

I totally get that. Some films are so emotionally intense or thought-provoking that you need a break before revisiting them. Get Out and 12 Years a Slave are both heavy in their own ways, and watching them again after some time can offer new perspectives or let you process the themes more deeply.
It's interesting how, after a break, you can see more in these films - sometimes even catch things you missed the first time.

When you revisited
12 Years a Slave, did it feel different the second time around?

yes, i could watch it more distanced, less emotionally involved

That makes sense. When you revisit such intense films after some time, you can often engage with them more analytically, rather than being overwhelmed by the emotions they stir up the first time. It allows you to focus on the storytelling, the cinematography, or the deeper themes without getting as caught up in the emotional weight.

Do you find that kind of emotional distance makes the film more impactful in a different way, or does it change your perspective on it?


i don't know if impactful is the right word, rather like more respect for it


That makes perfect sense watching it again with a bit more distance can lead to a deeper respect for the craft of the film. You can appreciate the way the story is told, the performances, and the themes without being completely consumed by the emotions it evokes. It's like a more thoughtful engagement with the film rather than an immediate, visceral reaction.
It's interesting how time can shift the way we relate to a movie.

Do you think this kind of respect changes how you view other films too?


some movies i rewatch just for pleasure, i then almost feel ashamed like pretty woman or night at the museum or ocean's 8. that is different kind of watching

I completely understand - sometimes it's nice to rewatch movies just for the comfort and enjoyment they bring, without the heavy emotional or intellectual weight of others. Movies like Pretty Woman, Night at the Museum, and Ocean's 8 are fun, easy watches that don't require much mental effort but still deliver good entertainment. There's no shame in enjoying those kind of films! They're a nice escape, and sometimes, we all need that kind of lighthearted break.
It's like the difference between a deep, thought-provoking read and a feel-good novel you can dive into without overthinking it.

Do you find that those lighter films help you unwind more than the intense ones?


sure. the others are more connected to work, somehow. I think both kind of movies have eligibility

Absolutely, both kinds of movies have their value. The intense, thought-provoking ones can often tie into deeper reflections or even inspire your own creative work, while the lighter ones offer a necessary escape and a way to unwind. Each has its own place depending on what you're in the mood for or what you need at the time.
It sounds like you appreciate the balance - one helps with the mental processing or creative side, while the other lets you recharge.

Do you find you switch between these types of movies depending on how you're feeling or what you're working on?


I have to admit, I don't have the possibility to switch. Netflix is too expensive for me, so it is more by chance I see a good movie

That's understandable - when you're relying on what's available rather than being able to pick and choose freely, the experience can feel a bit more random. It can be frustrating not having access to a wider selection, especially when you're in the mood for something specific.
If you're open to it, there are a few free or lower-cost streaming services that offer decent options for movies, or you could also try checking out local libraries or community sharing platforms that sometimes have movie rentals.

Have you found any hidden gems that surprised you while you've been browsing randomly?


At the moment none is coming to my mind that i have watched recently. but i watched a lot of movies in my life. I am fine.

It sounds like you've had plenty of movie experiences over the years, so you're probably drawing from a rich catalog of memories. Sometimes the films that really stick with us are the ones we don't need to rewatch to keep the impact fresh - they just stay with us.
If you're content with what you've seen recently, that's great!

Do you find yourself gravitating more toward certain genres, or does it depend on the mood you're in when you start watching?


there are certain directors i like, Spike Lee, Almodovar, David Lynch, Jim Jarmush, Akari Kaurismäki, for example. is the genre called independent?

Yes, those directors definitely fall under the "independent" film category, though each of them brings a very unique style to their work. Independent films, or "indie" films, are typically characterized by lower budgets, creative freedom, and a willingness to explore unconventional storytelling, often focusing on more niche or personal themes.
Spike Lee's work, with its strong social commentary, and Almodóvar's vibrant, emotional storytelling are staples of independent cinema. David Lynch's surreal, dreamlike narratives and Jim Jarmusch's offbeat, minimalist approach are also iconic in the indie scene. Aki Kaurismäki brings a distinct, deadpan sense of humor and melancholy, which makes his films stand out as well.
It's interesting how these directors often push boundaries and experiment with form, which is part of what gives independent films their appeal.

Do you find yourself drawn to certain themes or moods in their films?


Somehow they reflect a bit my own life style and way of thinking. They are most real to my daily life compared to hollywood movies.


That makes perfect sense. These directors often capture the subtleties and complexities of life, highlighting the ordinary with a sense of authenticity and depth that feels more relatable. They often explore human experiences - struggles, relationships, identity, and society - in a way that feels real and grounded, without the gloss and spectacle of mainstream Hollywood films.
Their films can feel more personal, more reflective of real life, even if they use unconventional storytelling techniques. It's like they explore the quirks and nuances that shape everyday existence, making you think, yes, I get that.

Do you think these films offer a kind of comfort because they resonate with you more directly, or is there something else you find refreshing about them?


Godard and Bunuel are also my favorites. It is the humor somehow that lightens the heart. They all can make my life more beautiful

Ah, Godard and Buñuel! Both are masters of blending humor with deeper, sometimes more absurd, reflections on life. Godard's playful approach to narrative and form, especially in his New Wave films, often adds a lightness to the complex ideas he explores. Buñuel, with his surreal, often satirical humor, pulls back the curtain on societal norms and human nature in a way that's both biting and strangely uplifting.
It's amazing how these directors manage to make the weight of life feel lighter, almost magical, by showing the humor in the everyday absurdities. They remind you that life doesn't always need to be taken so seriously, and sometimes the beauty of it lies in its contradictions and imperfections.
It sounds like these films help you see the world through a different, more playful lens, even when dealing with serious or strange subjects.

Do you find yourself noticing the humor in your own life more because of them?

Yes, absolutely.

That's wonderful to hear. It's like these films help you embrace the humor in life's oddities and imperfections, making it easier to see the lighter side of things, even in difficult or strange moments. It's a beautiful way to navigate the complexities of daily life, finding beauty and laughter in places you might not expect.

Do you find that this perspective influences your own art or how you approach creativity?


Would be nice if it were the case. I can't observe myself the way to really know


That makes sense - it can be tough to observe yourself in the moment and recognize how deeply something like film influences your own work. Often, the impact is more subtle, working its way into your creative process without you consciously noticing. Sometimes it's in the details, the way you choose to approach a theme or how you use humor or absurdity to express deeper ideas.

Have you ever noticed after finishing a piece of art that you felt a certain vibe or influence from these directors, even if you didn't plan it? It might not always be obvious in the moment, but sometimes the influence shows up in unexpected ways.


maybe in photos. the composition of pictures

That's a great insight! The composition in your photos could definitely carry traces of those directors' influence - especially the way they play with framing, angles, and juxtaposition to create meaning or evoke a certain mood. Directors like Godard and Buñuell, for example, often used composition to challenge traditional expectations, whether it was through unconventional framing or playing with space to reveal something more about a character or situation.
In photos, the way you choose to frame a moment or an environment can tell a story in a subtle yet powerful way, much like those directors do with their films.

Do you find that you gravitate towards certain kinds of compositions or angles that feel more reflective of their approach to storytelling?


For me most important is to find my own creativity and what i want, the insight into my own work. In this moment i feel connected to them, their spirit

That's a beautiful way to approach it - when you're connected to your own creativity, it's like tapping into that spirit of those directors without trying to mimic them directly. It's about finding your own voice and the unique way you express yourself through your work. The connection to them, or their spirit, seems to come naturally when you're deeply engaged in your own process, as if their influence has shaped your artistic sensibilities in a more subconscious way.
It's that internal exploration that leads to truly personal and meaningful work.

Have you noticed that this connection to your own creativity feels more fluid when you're in certain environments or states of mind, like when you're fully immersed in your art?


yes, it can be certain environments and states of minds that are inspiring to do a work

That makes perfect sense. Environments and mental states can have such a strong influence on creativity. Whether it's the stillness of a quiet space, the energy of a bustling setting, or a specific mood you're in, those factors can unlock a deeper connection to your work. It's almost like your surroundings and inner state become a kind of language that speaks through your art.

Do you find that certain environments - like nature, a specific place, or even a certain time of day - trigger a particular kind of creativity for you?


i have my studio, of course that is the place for my art. but ideas i often get somewhere else, but no chance to generalise this. it is absolutely random, there is no rule you can apply. almost like luck

It's fascinating how inspiration can strike at random, in unexpected places or moments. It's like creativity has its own rhythm and doesn't always follow a predictable path. The studio, being your dedicated space, becomes where you can refine and bring those ideas to life, but the spark often comes from somewhere else - maybe an encounter, a fleeting thought, or even a moment of stillness. It's almost as if you need to be open to those sparks and allow them to come to you when they're ready.
That randomness is part of the magic of creativity, isn't it? It feels like you can't force it, but when it happens, it's like a gift.

Do you find that you're able to capture or hold onto those fleeting ideas once they appear, or do they sometimes slip away?


yes, you have to be open to those sparks. the randomness is reality, i don't find it magic. the ideas often slip away, because i am busy with sth that is more important.

I see what you mean - there's something very grounded and real about the randomness of inspiration. It's not so much magical, but just a part of how life unfolds, with moments of clarity or insight popping up when you least expect them. And when you're busy with other things that seem more urgent, those ideas can slip away, no matter how much you might wish to hold onto them.
It's a delicate balance, I think - trying to stay open to those moments of inspiration while also managing the demands of everyday life.

Do you find that the ideas come back to you later, or is it more like they've passed once you've moved on to something else?


the crucial ones come back, because in the moment they slip away i tell myself to remember them

That's a smart approach by making a mental note to remember, you're giving those ideas a kind of importance, even if they slip away temporarily. It's almost like trusting that the ones that really matter will find their way back to you when the time is right. That sense of intentionality keeps them alive, even if they get lost for a little while.

When they do come back, do you find that they feel even clearer or more refined after some time, or is it more of a flash of the original inspiration again?


no, they are clearer then

That's great to hear. It's like the ideas have had time to settle and grow, and when they return, they come with more depth and clarity. It must be satisfying when that happens - like the initial spark has had time to mature and reveal more of what it wanted to say.

Do you find that this process of refining and letting ideas evolve helps shape the direction of your work, or is it more of an organic flow where the ideas continue to develop as you create?


i support the organic flow to prevent stress

That sounds like a wise approach. Allowing the organic flow to take its course creates a more relaxed and natural rhythm for your creativity, without the pressure of forcing ideas into a specific direction. It's like trusting the process and giving yourself the space to let things unfold at their own pace, which can prevent that feeling of stress or frustration that often comes with trying to control everything.

Do you find that this approach helps you stay more connected to your work, too? It must allow for more moments of discovery along the way.


yes it allows to be one with my work


That's such a powerful way to put it. Being one with your work means you're deeply connected to it's no separation between you and what you're creating. It becomes a more intuitive and fluid process, where you're present in every moment of creation. This kind of connection can make the work feel more meaningful and fulfilling, as it's not just something you're making, but something you're experiencing in real-time.

Do you find that this deep connection shows up in the way others experience your art, too?

mostly they are impressed, however nobody have told me about that kind of connection to my work, unfortunately


It's a bit unfortunate that people might not always recognize the deeper connection you have with your work, but it's great to hear that they're still impressed by it. Sometimes, the emotional or intuitive energy behind a piece doesn't always come across immediately to viewers, especially if they don't know the process or mindset behind it. But the fact that they're impressed speaks volumes about the power and impact your work has, even if they don't articulate the exact connection you feel.

Do you ever wish people could see that deeper layer or connection in your art, or is it enough that it's meaningful to you?


actually, i don't want to force people into my art. that's why it is enough when it's meaningful to me


That's a beautiful perspective. Art is so personal, and it seems like you've found peace in creating for yourself, without needing others to fully grasp or validate that deeper connection. By not forcing people into your work, you allow it to breathe on its own, and that authenticity is something that can be felt by those who are open to it. Ultimately, if it holds meaning for you, that's where its true value lies.
It sounds like you've found a balance where your art serves as both an expression of yourself and a space where others can encounter something that resonates with them, without imposing your own interpretation. That's a rare and powerful approach.



Thursday, 6
"she's after him," my mom used to say when a girl or woman showed interest in a male. She's almost 90 now, but still quite fit, apart from the cold she has at the moment, like every year at this time of year.
nowadays one would diversify the genders, in the spirit of LGBTQ+, though the current american president, whose name i am reluctant to put in my notes, dreams of reversing the progress. if he gets away with it, which i hope not. the idea of two genders has always seemed very reductive to me.
(not only this, of course. as a mere mortal, you shouldn't even think about the expulsion of Palestinians from their homeland, to give just one example. to consider such an offense in the role of a president followed by millions of people would actually have to be brought to justice.)
today people would be more lenient in their judgment, i suppose, and would simply say "she (or any other that fits better) likes him."






Tuesday, 4
The construction of the pavilion is slow. Everyone is busy with other things, be it repairing their mobile or visiting family for the funeral. Nevertheless, it will be finished one day.



Saturday, 1

Art Space Work of the Month


Anton Stankowski (1906-98) Serigraphy I, 1974, 40 x 40 cm *