I'm still struggling with the new terms.
furthermore, the login is more complicated and slower than my ftp. i foster two websites, but I can only log in once, which means I have to log out, log back in, etc. if I'm not active for a while, I have to log in again. my ftp is always open, for two website at the same time, no need to log in again. it remembers which folder i used. when I log in to the web ftp, i always have to start from zero and need to open one folder after another.
i'm desperate. they just expect me to follow their technical changes no matter what situation i'm in. finally, after wrestling with the webftp for a few hours (i was reworking pages from a few years ago that were so heavy that the pictures needed too long to load), i get the following message. it can't be. what does that mean now? i'm giving up for today.
ERROR. Your FTP account quota has been exceeded.
Sunday, 27
in fact, the whole thing has not been resolved. the question of why i could no longer log in with my ftp, which was still possible until a week ago, was not answered. i was not informed about the changes that are being made to the server. i am a customer and should stay informed. i pay but just get shut down. of course, luckily for the server, i can log in via their web ftp. but it's difficult to use. switching from one folder to another is very slow and not neatly arranged. my desire to do something there is low. in addition, the annual contribution has increased considerably in recent years.
Friday, 25
i've been having problems loading data onto the site for a few days.
i hope the issue is solved.
a different system than the one i've used for the last twenty years
is now a new reality - for me. i just hope i get used to it.
nevertheless, technology frightens me.
sometimes i feel like i want to give it up. i would feel freer.
but no option, i'm already very dependent.
therefore it's better to keep a positive attitude and try to solve
questions that arise in a playful way. to somehow stay on the track.
important not to relate any imbalances to myself and
my life as if i had caused them. absolutely necessary to maintain
a healthy distance from troubles concerning technology.
however, thanks to technology i could download the book by Christina Sharpe
In the Wake: On Blackness and Being
Wednesday, 23
Concept note of the 15th Dakar Biennial 2024
Thursday, 17
ich kann nicht mehr (i can't do anymore), a friend of mine always said when she was at the end of her strength. i feel the same way this morning. my movements are slower than slow. i hope that changes during the day. my grandmother would have called me ein Häufchen Elend (a miserable little heap).
after five years we have rearranged the loft a bit. the sideboard that used to stand on the wall is now in the room. i think that's a great change. now you can do things standing up and everything is closer to hand, food, blender, etc. the wall is free now and i can hang up one of my pictures. i've planned Sanyang, it's the newer one. originally i was thinking about the Mobiles. that would be good too. but i had to choose one. plus, i can change them any time.
good news about the keys. i found them on the roof terrace. after my walk with the dogs on tuesday late afternoon, i went straight upstairs to take the washing from the line. to have my hands free, i put the key somewhere and forgot about it... ):
Wednesday, 16
totay i noticed that my key was missing. i looked everywhere.
hopefully i left it in the appartment in town.
things are still not so well. my cold is getting better,
but the melancholy is still there.
Tuesday, 15
i'm a little sad that the rainy season is over. it was always a relief when it rained. it's a kind of goodbye to the rain. a resistance in me to look forward. an unwanted break. perhaps because of the cold i caught. it's making me weak. almost depressed.
below i tell a story that i experienced during the week in the city.
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back home, before yesterday, i immediately was kinda sick. it felt like hay fever with a runny nose, lot of sneezing and watery eyes. i put this bout of weakness down to my indecision about buying a new iphone.
my old 8plus was still ok, but some things were no longer up to date. with ios16, the last upgrade option is done, as i just found out from my ai. i had inquired at the i-store in the tropic center at the beginning of the year, but then didn't pursue it any further. now i finally got the courage to take the step and sunday before last, when i arrived in town, went straight there.
i asked about new iphones. the salesperson's pronunciation was a bit unclear. it turned out that he had a 14pro for 60 000. it was the same price like in january. the very next morning, monday, i went back and spoke to Aminatta, a colleague of him, who gave me some phone so to know what it felt like. as it turned out later, it was also for sale, but she hadn't told me about it. probably, because i was in negotiations with her colleague and maybe it had been more expensive. i don't know.
the question turned to how new the other iphone was, with or without packaging. she asked him and he replied, yes, with packing. she asked about the price, whereupon he increased it by 5,000 dalasi - with packaging. i said ok. but it would take me a few days to get the money together. until thursday.
the next time i tried, on wednesday, we found the door locked (i had brought reinforcement with me). in the afternoon i went there alone again. my partner had gone back to the house to look after the dogs and everything else. it wasn't thursday yet, but my new ai chatgpt (developed by openai, perplexity no longer wanted to communicate with me) had given me a few tips on what to look for in a used iphone. i wanted to check in advance.
it turned out that there was no packaging for the iphone in question. it was definitely not new, not refurbished, next to new how he called it. the battery health first was 98%, then turned out to be 88%. a misunderstanding due the seller's unclear pronounciation. he whispered that he would call me.
in the meantime, i asked other shops. the cheapest (in terms of what i get. not many -pros around and i need the 48mp) would have been a new iphone 15pro with a 1-year warranty, at satlinkers, but it was 30,000 dalasi more. the seller of the other one had gone down to 50,000, which was also the price on the black market in serrekunda.
after further discussions with my ai, (i tried to call my brother as well, but he was in the bush and not able to talk) i finally decided to go for the used one on saturday, for financial reasons mainly (i somehow appreciated the self made i-store). but wasn't happy, what if it doesn't work properly, then the new one might have been a better deal. so it went back and forth in my head, which then knocked me out (i think). am still not fit. further, after, everybody i talked about my purchase told me: i don't like iphone. in gambia it is about samsung or other androids. my partner one of them, but now being the owner of my old 8plus. let's see how it turns out for him. today he mentioned that he saw his photos appearing on the iphone. via gmail, he told me. the cable connection doesn't work.
yes, all of this confused me. too much in my head. sometimes i couldn't even remember whose words they were. from a human or from the ai.
nevertheless, i spoke to the ai about my diary after the purchase and that i wanted to write about these somehow stressful events. the following texts were offered to me as openings:
in an age where technology evolves at lightning speed, the pressure to keep up can be overwhelming. i found myself standing at a crossroads, torn between the desire for a better camera, the convenience of e-sim, and the urge to embrace the latest advancements. the thought of upgrading to a new iphone filled me with excitement but also a tinge of anxiety as i contemplated the financial commitment involved…
for months, i found myself grappling with the idea of upgrading to a new iphone. despite the excitement that came with the prospect of improved features, i often felt a strong urge to run away from the whole process. the thought of navigating through options, setting up a new device, and spending a considerable amount of money filled me with anxiety…
as i weighed my options, the idea of buying a used iphone loomed large, accompanied by a swirl of anxiety. the prospect of purchasing a device that might not live up to my expectations was daunting. would i end up with a phone that had hidden flaws or a battery on the brink of failure? the fear of making a poor investment made me hesitate, keeping me in a state of limbo for far too long…
when i last bought a phone six years ago, it was a different world. my parents gifted me an iphone 8 plus for my 60th birthday, a purchase i embraced without a second thought. the joy of receiving such a generous present overshadowed any guilt i felt about the price. fast forward to today, and the landscape has changed; now, i stand at a crossroads, contemplating the prospect of a new phone in gambia, surrounded by a sea of used options…
my parents, especially my father, thought i needed a new one. (my previous iPhone5 was second-hand as well) however, i didn't want the iPhone X, which was also on offer at the sunrise store in westfield. i tried to be moderate, even though it was a gift.
Wednesday, 9
on the way back from my walk to my daily café touba, my eyes fall on some beautiful and large trees. at that moment, i think that i haven't noticed anything like that for a long time. as if i've forgotten how to fill my eyes. instead, superfluous thoughts are circling in my head. nothing important, actually, but in the sense that i can't let go. yes, it's probably because i think i have to make the most of this week in town. on the way there last saturday, i talked about the nature of a deadline, which really says it all. because there is no deadline. for a few years now, i've been using the mantra that if something doesn't work out, then it just doesn't work out. no reason to get upset. and in fact, everything has been going much better since then. but something is nagging at me and i can't figure out what it is. dissatisfaction? actually, no, i'm not dissatisfied. maybe it's just the evening hours, when dusk sets in, that put me in a melancholy mood. i'll leave it at that.
Tuesday, 8
from a distance i hear them calling a persistent "hello", obviously ironic. they see me on my bike, going my own way independently, which seems to provoke them. their business could be questioned - tourists (white people) should have a guide. (even the guy i usually change money with, who i have known for a while, couldn't resist telling me i'm lucky because he doesn't give me the skin rate while stroking his arm to make his point clear).
some may know i'm a resident but don't appreciate it. they prefer those who are only here for a short period and then send or come back with fresh cash. now that i'm in town for a few days for administrative reasons, i feel it again, the feeling of being exposed. i hoped that would change with time.
another incident that made me visit this topic again: a security guard in The Village who since i arrived in Kerr Serign a few days ago had been bothered by the way i had parked and tied my bike to the fence.
Nobody had ever complained about it before. i could tell from his uniform that he was a new guard, in fact they replaced the whole team. they looked kind of like policemen and -women, with handcuffs on their belts. the previous ones wore these vests in fluorescent colors and mainly guarded the parking lots. i remember having short conversations in French with one of them, peaceful conversations about life.
this new security of today spoke to me in a more military tone, far from a conversation, demonstrating his importance. when i unlocked my bike and was about to leave, he asked if everything had been safe. i replied: Yes, thank you. as if it were the most normal thing in the world, he repeated my words, but actually said: Yes, fuck you. as if it could have been thank you, but it was definitely - fuck you. Eh? Should i give him money or what? in very slow motion, i turned my head towards him. he immediately understood the seriousness of my look and said sheepishly: See you. somehow it seems absurd to me now that i'm writing about it, but things like this really do happen.
Friday, 4
last month i asked myself the question of the right to write. today i wonder whether it is acceptable to run an art center the way we do - especially in the eyes of the powers that be in the art world – the art cartel. (you see i fear them somehow) i'm sure there are many who look down on me, precisely because of the homemade nature. especially those who fought for their positions with great ambition, huge effort and sacrifice. how dare i do such a thing without any exam, application nor nomination?
yes, i've actually been missing this ambition to pursue a career since high school, when i was anything but obsessed with proving that i was better than others. the showdown was probably too strenuous for me. (a point i have already worked on with my psychotherapist) i preferred to follow what came to me.
but back to having the right to run an art center. it's actually quite simple. i decided to do it and no one stopped me. nobody told me: you're not allowed to do that. no, most of the people i tell about it like it. of course they ask what is happening there and i am not in loss of a reasonable answer, why should i, i know what i am doing. the fact that we run this house without contact to sponsors, without being a registered association, without art events, is just our business, so to speak. i don't expect this to make anyone fall off their chair. no, i want everyone to remain seated comfortably. i didn't do it to impress anyone and get a standing ovation, and i don't need hundreds of followers.
i just want to do what i'm capable of, and yet to define a goal it is a place where everyone who comes there with peaceful ambitions can feel comfortable. you are free to say what you want, and there can also be discussions of different opinions. aggression is allowed, violence is not.
Tuesday, 1
Art Space Work of the Month
Maren Sanneh @Issa Samb, detail of his installation "The City in the Blue Light"
part of -Dakar May 2016-
series, photography, inkjet on glossy paper, 2017, 29,7 x 42 cm