Wednesday, 28
Yes, now I've adapted again, to the rough environment and life in the countryside without cafes and shops around the corner. Really, my stomach pains are almost gone and my fears have dissipated too, for the moment. I still don't like being in traffic, I can't get used to the hectic driving anymore. A few years ago there were not so many cars and fewer accidents.
Not much talk, no philosophizing, step into action and carry on life as before. The planning happens by itself, not under pressure. Luckily in peace, it's hard to believe, but the truck traffic is over, the sand miners are gone. No noise, no dust, no smell of petrol. Hopefully they stay away - forever. I go back to my daily walks to the lagoon, as you could almost call the water now. I saw some children bathing, but the water seems to be dirty, how people talk.
Saturday, 24
It will take a little while for me to fully adjust again. I also try to keep up the feeling that I brought with me from traveling. Yes, the positve, free from fear. But when I see the decay of the house, I immediately feel uneasy again. Which is then expressed in abdominal pain. It seems to be the diaphragm that tells me that I'm already trapped again, in everyday life and almost overwhelmed. There is no one there who makes suggestions on what to do. Just wordless action. Maybe the deeds from before, closing the windows when it starts to rain. We haven't figured out how to help each other like two grown people. I'm trying to do something with a lot of talking that should end up something like an agreement. That we can discuss how to organize and plan the days. Unfortunately I failed completely. I eat canned hommos with olive oil (what I bought before my journey). Only two pieces of bread are left. I feel bad just eating them away. Walking through the house and garden I finally end up in the studio. With a pedestal fan I try to provide the right humidity in the library. Have brought a small measuring device, but the endeavor seems futile. It stays at 76%. Then I relax on the sofa and see the many journals on the grand piano. They've been there for a while now and I've never looked inside. I take the first and start reading. I am very touched by the contribution to Fela Kuti and Sankara and I am making this a found object.
I am back in Gambia and i will write soonish. For the moment I just want to announce the exhibition of the Donation Campaign at Atelierhaus Klingental open today from 5 to 7 pm and tomorrow from 2 to 5pm.
Thursday, 1
Well, I've been traveling and accordingly cannot replace the work of the month. So this becomes a double edition like two months ago. After five years I am back in Switzerland for the first time. The first few days were a bit unusual, but I quickly settled in. It's like a language that you haven't spoken for a while. Slowly but surely the memory brings the essentials to mind. Some things are as before, as if the time had been frozen. If you sit in a Buvette on the Rhine and look at the Grossbasler riverside, it is just the tower of the Biozentrum, which has changed the view. In the NT area, however, the new buildings have changed the cityscape in such a way that I didn't recognize it. Where the alternative scene used to do culture, blocks of flats are now paving the terrain. The favela-like bars are still on the Uferstrasse. However, a ship has changed the sight, as well as a very beautiful mural.
At the beginning I had to get used to paying at a machine, but most shops are still with cashiers. Oh, but life is so different than in Gambia that I actually lack the words. In order to name just a few, very pragmatic things, it is the public transport that is much more convenient. It's like you're just gliding. I already had this impression last Monday when the train from Zurich to Basel floated silently through the landscape. And everywhere in the city the streets are tarred or paved. I stay in a house not far from the street where prostitutes wait for clients from early morning until late. The area where they stand is clearly defined. Which in turn reminds me of my time as an artteacher at a private school in Fajara, when pictograms were the topic. This sign with the woman under the lantern would have been inappropriate. Not that there are no sex workers in Gambia, but they don't show themselves in such a public manner.
Wednesday, 17
One of my own favorite wall pieces is Babylon, which is named now Before 2. I'm always delighted when I look at the single sheets being surprised that I could express myself so freely in such an abstract way. I somehow regret that I didn't continue there, but then concentrated on enlarging and figural representations. The discipline I mustered for the latter freed me to a certain extent, which I learned in yoga - freedom lies in discipline. But discipline is also required in the abstract representation. I couldn't perceive my work like I do now, but put myself under pressure to produce something more efficient. I valued it as being too arbitrary. Hence the name Babylon. That's why I feel the need to change the title - the drawings were an effort and have nothing to do with Babylon or the Exodus.
What comes to my mind first is Blue Velvet, but this is too much connected to the song which is in my head immediately. Something abstract would be good. The longer I search, the less I get closer to a satisfying result. I don't think I can find the right title by consciously searching. There will be always a doubt. At the moment I'm reading a science fiction novel by Octavia E. Butler Dawn that I'm very mesmerized by. Let me highlight a word on the page I'm reading right now. If it was a book and not an electronical reader I would just open any page and put my finger on a word without looking. Stay is the word out of the following sentence: "How long are you going to stay here now?" he demanded of Nikanj. I try one more on the following page. Before from the sentence: "Do you know," it said, "that no undrugged human has ever done that before? Yes, I'll take that. It even makes a bit of sense because these drawings preceded the figural images that followed. I decided to change Afrique as well and name it Before 1.
Butler, Octavia E.. Dawn: Lilith's Brood 1 (p. 177). Headline. Kindle Edition.
Butler, Octavia E.. Dawn: Lilith's Brood 1 (p. 178). Headline. Kindle Edition.
Saturday, 13
Ok you see I changed the colour. Which means something is going on. But somehow I've changed, I don't share my plans like I did years ago. When it comes to the house I do (renovation is absolutely necessary and inevitable after the rainy season), but other than that I've become a Gambian. Be reserved, withdrawn, careful not to talk too much. Inshallah - you never know. You'll know sooner or later, you reader whom I don't know much about. When the future has become the past, I may be free to talk about what happened. Perhaps, because sometimes I take a long break and sometimes I don't want to talk about what happens. Then I wrap myself in silence and everything stays in me until it has dissolved and possibly reappears in a different place or at a different time. Yes, I am actually a human being that sits at a laptop and writing. When I sent my mom a selfie yesterday, she wrote: Bald sehe ich Dich zum Glück in Natur. I will soon see you in nature, which means as much as, a photo of the human body is not nature, while the human body itself, in its biology, is nature. I was taken aback by what she said because when I use the word nature I mean forests or any type of landscape. For example: I go for a walk in nature.
Friday, 12
I appreciate it when people are successful in life and I'm happy for them. As for me, I've been trying to make a name for myself - unsuccessfully - for so long that I don't care anymore. That doesn't mean I've given up. Not at all, I'm still alive and I'm glad to be alive. As I repeat so often, my life is what it is, whether I'm known or not doesn't matter to me. It is important to me that my life is really there and that what I do feels alright. When I am tested for quality, I do not evade. What I've learned is not to be afraid of people trying to exert pressure on me because of their knowledge and possessions, or because of their position and networking. In my opinion, knowledge serves to be shared with others on an equal footing. Possession is something that belongs to someone, but it should not be used to make other people feel guilty. Communication can work if everyone involved has insight and comprehension.
Monday, 1
Art Space Work of the Month
Holger Runge (*1925) - Autumn, 1977, etching, 54x53 cm