water marks on the ceiling
Wednesday, 29
"Das ist ein Gaudi" my grandma used to say what meant as much as to say something was fun. i like Gaudi and his work at Parc Güell in Barcelona. when we tiled the terrace with broken tiles i thought of him. and i enjoyed the result. i dreamt and still dream a bit of tiling it all - the railing and the seats. but now, that the rain is pouring like from buckets the broken tiles turn out to not sealing properly. water is dripping on the floor of every room. of course, it is not the problem of the broken tiles, but a poor job done by the people who made the slap and particularly their instructor. recently Alpha called, because he wanted to show the house (his work) to some visitors. i was busy at the art space, unfortunately, otherwise i could have displayed to him and his visitors every of his malpractices. strange, last night when it was raining so heavily, i dreamt that he apologised for being unable to keep to the schedule. whatever the circumstances are, i have to think about tiling with full tiles or putting up a roof over the terrace. the latter i've been considering here and then again, but always dismissed it in favour of the clear opening to the sky. though, to cover the broken tiles work with simple tiles makes me feel uneasy as well. i hope i will come up with a good solution before next rainy season.
view in times of dry season
Tuesday, 28
last weekend i decided to hang one of my wall pieces, the only one still framed apart from 49 days, which is still there in the studio. it already gets stained by climate and stink bugs. sooner or later i will throw that dinosaur preserved since my residence in Johannesburg almost twenty years ago. however, yesterday in the morning, we left to head for our art space in town to do the installation. some errands at the market and supermarket were planned for afterwards. shortly after passing Coco Ocean Hotel, i noticed damp escaping from the hub and a quick look at the temperature indicator told me that the motor was more than hot. after a few stops and repeatedly pouring water we finally reached our garage in Senegambia with Mansu, our chief mechanic. he decided to take out the car's water tank, because it was licking, and to glue it. this action left us hanging out in the workshop - notabene in the cooling shade of mango trees - for several hours. then, the electrician had to mend the fans. finally, instead of being at the art space estimated before ten in the morning we arrived half past four in the afternoon, after having had a late lunch at kadie kadie. of course, i forgot about the hanging of arrival2. we stayed at the art space for not even an hour to get back stimultion to fulfil at least my plan's last part:grocery shopping. though, not even this was granted to us. thunderstorms made me decline going to the fish market. indeed, i parked in the Ocean Lounge's parking lot in Tanjir, still in mind to get our veggies and fish. then, after 50 meter walking i said: i buy just bananas - no energy for the rest. with two Flags from the restaurant i ended that day - yesterday.
Saturday, 25
just read about ruangrupa, the curator collective of documenta fifteen in 2022. very interesting concept with focus on cooperative work - lumbung to elaborate at the head quarter ruruHaus and globally. for information documenta 15. ruangrupa on artnet news. ruru website.
Sunday, 19
i am stuck in nothingness. the current weather makes me feel deadly heavy, unable to move. nothing i'd like to touch - far from producing anything. rain continues, standing waters make it difficult to pass. even a view to the future cannot illuminate my mind. they talk of heavy thunderstorms for next month. continuous travel restrictions thwart all approaches of travelling to Europe - covid19 still on everyone's lips. yeah, i miss it, my life there, but not too often. i like my life here in the Gambian pampas. this morning an easy walk to the deserted beach together with the dogs to clean them in the sea from mango worms.
Saturday, 18
- Alles Meins - what means as much as all mine can be a feeling of completeness. i know it from friends and acquaintances when they talk about their properties (my house, my garden, my dog, my boyfriend, my diet, my clothes, my education, my network, my past, my future and so on. that list can be extended unlimitedly. of course you can replace "my" with "our" in case you are part of a group and i think this feeling of possessing something together can boost the group affiliation and coherence) and about myself. it is so nice when i can say: this is mine. to gain that proud feeling of belonging (to) something. but is it still appropriate in times of global sharing and economic changes? is my body really mine or does it belong to the nation i got the passport from or the country where i am living in or does it belong to mother earth? indeed, i am part of the world population. -sharing without a choice- is my work really mine or is it a Gesamtkunstwerk of everybody who i ever met in my life, because something of them manipulated my humble self - my family, my schoolmates, my friends, my colleagues, travel mates, or even my enemies? i don't know, but i know that i like that feeling of something that is very closely connected to me and i like to determine it as MINE.
Thursday, 2
For last Christmas my mother's wish was a DVD from the Three Colours trilogy by Krzysztof Kieślowski on the French revolutionary ideals: liberty, equality, and fraternity. She chose Three Colours: Blue, because of Juliette Binoche, how she told me. Today I've found the colour Blue again on the Art Basel website. A message from ... Wong Ping. While in lockdown the artist led a diary from which i'd like to quote the following:
Day 06
The Pantone color of the year 2020 is 19-4052 Classic Blue – instilling calm, confidence, and connection. This enduring blue hue highlights our desire for a dependable and stable foundation on which to build as we cross the threshold into a new era.
Day 64
Realized that freedom is not a necessity.
And then I dare to do the equation
Liberty = instilling calm, confidence and connection
Wednesday, 17
Coincidently i met up with a self help book about how to deal with loneliness last Sunday. Actually i just wanted to find out the kindle price of another book, a book about Hormone Balance. The price wasn't displayed that's why i tried out the first advertised book that came along
next. There was no price either, so it was a question of device i used. Then i read the title of the book and became interested. I downloaded a sample and swallowed it up in seconds. I got more interested and bought the kindle version. It cost me 105.56 Dalasi. I finished 60% on Sunday and often i thought of quoting it here. I quoted four passages at facebook (story). It helped me a lot to understand and overcome my sentiment of loneliness. Anyhow, that is not the reason why i am here though. Today, when I opened my dreamweaver diary file i found an unsent text, the one you find on the bottom of this page, which i then titled like it is titled now. To conclude, the self help book came in time. No, i wanted to write about my birthday that is coming up in two days, on Friday. My idea to establish a shop respectively art gallery in town was connected to my last visit in Hamburg. My parents now getting old (that is how they talk about themselves - we are old now) are freeing themselves from ballast step by step. When I was there last October my mom told me about their Architektenschrank. She asked me to have a look inside, but it was not the right time. i felt tired and thought the pictures would stress me, so i didn't even have a glimpse. Further she asked if i possibly wanted it and i answered that i would think about. In the beginning of this year that Architektenschrank came to my mind. It concreted the idea of a shop in town, where we could sell art works. Because of the pandemic the transport took six weeks longer than planned. Finally ship Seaspan Loncomilla arrived in Gambian waters two weeks ago. It took some additional time again to clear and eventually it landed in Kerr Serign at the Art Space last Friday. That very day i left it unopened though. Climate has changed and we are now in rainy season. Everything is going half speed so i planned to open it when i feel time is ripe for it.
Tuesday, 2
writing in a mood of low self esteem
i know i talked too much. i explained myself always. i rectified myself like it was necessary to rectify what i was doing. because i thought i was programmed to do wrong per se. might be the education i went through that i did what was never okay. i was criticised a lot for my point of views what made me depressed and sabotaged my creativity. as a matter of fact, all what i've said will be turned around in order to be used against me. because, as i said before, i could do only wrong. i couldn't win the conversation, because i was considered to be a loser - the scapegoat in the round. so in case i do right or talk the truth it will be changed to become a complete different story, because the premise was that what i said couldn't be right. therefore, i will be named and shamed unless i humilate myself and bribe. that is why i stop talking and do my things in silence to respect myself as a human being. i know about myself that i am neither cruel nor mean nor sadist nor someone who exploits human beings. no i am not able even to exploit animals to make a good business. i have practiced silence since a while and i see everything starts to be more peaceful. but sometimes i forget and then my thoughts jump out of my mouth. mostly, when i feel misunderstood, unloved and disrespected, i try to make myself understood. but of course, again it comes out how i think could only be wrong. it is like there can be nothing correct about me.