archive > diary > february,march 19

Okwui Enwezor and Amelie Klein at the opening of Making Africa 13th of March 2015

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On the 15th of March Okwui Enwezor died. When I read the sad news on that very day, I burst into tears. I could not believe that he just had left forever.

Okwui showed everyone how art could speak eloquently and urgently about the world, and this earned him the respect of colleagues and artists across the globe. I count myself among those artists whose endeavors would never have been given a significant platform had it not been for his tireless advocacy. Many of the artists of my generation who are now championed by institutions that once ignored our interests, our methods, and our cultures of origin know in our hearts that Okwui lifted us out of relative obscurity just two decades ago. Let us not forget that.

Hito Steyerl, Coco Fusco, Raqs Media Collective, and Supercommunity e-flux Journal #98
Remembering Okwui Enwezor

In 2006 he curated ‘Snap Judgments: New Positions in Contemporary African Photography’ at the International Center of Photography in New York, which became an instant classic. From that moment, nothing could stop him. I shall not detail his achievements here – they are public knowledge. I am more interested in the force that drove him, pushing him further, as if he were engaged in an impossible mission, one he knew might have no end.
Simon Njami, Frieze
Simon Njami on Okwui Enwezor's Impossible Mission

For me it happened like often in my life that i was again the victim of my very special moods. I had the chance to meet and talk to Okwui Enwezor, but I missed it. In 2002 shortly before my artist residency in South Africa began, we, Malola, travelled to Kassel to see Documenta 11. In Kassel we stayed with Ute Meta Bauer, who I knew from art academy in Hamburg and who was a Co-Curator of Okwui Enwezor. She suggested introducing us to Okwui. But please, you cannot imagine, I refused that great opportunity. As far as i remember Christian went to greet him. What was going on in my head that I didn't take the chance? for sure I was afraid. But why? I was very anxious about my future stay at Bag Factory in Johannesburg. I was about to conquer Africa... I was very proud and I think that blow my head. As I said one of the very stupid moods that nobody can ever excuse. Later on, when I came back from South Africa and visited my parents in Hamburg my Mom like always wanted to buy something for me. So we went to that art shop at Admiralitätsstrasse in which street I rented a studio at the time (1982 or 83, I don't know exactly). I found a used catalogue for sale The Short Century (still expensive and more than 50 €;). When I received this present it made my heart warm. Back in Basel some years later, every Gambian who entered my apartment had to study that epic work.

Of course I attended the opening of Making Africa at Virtra Design Museum in Weil am Rhein not far from Basel, where I lived then. Amelie Klein, curator of the exhibition, and Okwui Enwezor had a panel discussion before the exhibition opened its doors to the public. I was still in my paparazzi mode and shot a bunch of pictures. Looking at them now it seems to me he didn't feel comfortable with my shooting and as a matter of fact on all of the pictures he is in movement. The one shown above is the only one I found focussed.




Thursday, 28
During a conversation I had yesterday afternoon I talked about my project and that we were behind with building the house more than one year. Someone asked me why it happened, whether it had been my mistake or the contractor's. When I started to answer like ... land issues caused a delay ... another person present during that conversation interrupted and said: The contractor ate all the money. To see reality so blatant made me shudder. How could that happen? Why haven't I been able to stop being ripped? Was my confidence that I had placed in the people involved really so self destructive? My idea had been that these people, by themselves, were interested in doing a good job - not only to defy prejudices about Africa. How could I work with someone not being sure about this. Yes, I wanted and still want that the people I am working together with are interested in doing a good job and I am convinced that they then will find confirmation in their own creativity. But, they really have to work with their minds to see through vaccinated patterns. Embezzling money is not an option.

Monday, 18
i don't know why people always cheat on me. what do i do wrong?



Sunday, 17
To talk about the House of Culture Tintinto ... almost the same like a year ago when I wrote on my timeline at fb: I ask myself why I do this what gives me a lot of stress. Though my friends' replies were sobering: rewarding things required suffering and It's a vision no turning back. My question: will I ever be proud what I've achieved here? Yeah, why not just being light hearted and positive instead of putting more burdens on my shoulders. I know people who are just fine with what they do. No unnecessary questions about their doing. They do what they like. They do within their interest not bothering at all if what they do might be selfish. And them they are not selfish - they just can enjoy their life without feeling the need to share in order to justify their own cheerfulness. There is no guilt on my side either, but I am born and raised not to think much of myself. I was rewarded for being humble. But, back to the facts... I've learned that I will spend a lot more money than what I had signed to be the full sum. According to contract the house should have been finished in October 2017. My plans are already upside down. I had calculated half a year to get the place up and running. But still I am sitting here at my rented apartment in Sukuta coming to no comprehensible conclusion than thinking of those steps ahead like finishing sanitary facilities and solar system.



Sunday, 3
When I am reading and my eyes are capturing the words indeed, but my mind flows somewhere else, the following Latin saying mostly calls me back:
Legere, et non intellegere, neglegere est. What means as much as Reading but not understanding (what you read) is a waste of time (literally: is to neglect).
In other words I am not concentrated in that moment of reading and don't get the meaning of the written text.

Wednesday, 27
I've decided neither to stress others nor myself. I feel like I've been putting pressure on me my whole life just to please in order to gain recognition. I wanted people to like and respect me and let me live in peace. But finally, if I made an effort or I did nothing wouldn't have made a difference. On the contrary it happened the lazier I was the more laidback the more people showed their interest. The cooler I stayed the more they cared for me. Recently I told my mother on phone that since a while people have been asking me to found an assembly. I told her that it turned out to be difficult to realise. I was very surprised about her reply. She said I was not born for such thing. I was born to enter already existing organizations. As family and having children seemed to be the most important thing in her eyes it could be that she meant I entered her family when I was born. I was really surprised she saw me as someone who travelled around getting access to unknown sets. Anyway, I let things happen and in case my person is needed I am there for sure.

Tuesday, 26
When I walk around the corner to have a glass of white wine I feel guilty. I feel guilty because of poverty.

The House of Culture Tintinto should have been finished more than a year ago. I've given the money that was necessary according to contract to my constructor. I have added already a lot more. Sometimes I fear I lose everything. Sometimes I fear people will laugh about my naivety and point at me as a loser. Then there are moments I don't care. Life will go on anyhow.

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A woman's Fate
There is this deep feeling of frustration. Everything I say or I do is wrong. I shouldn't even talk - do your housework. In case I talk it is just the talking of a woman. What means it cannot be of importance. Just woman. Man is more always. And when I try to state myself as a human being same as a man I will be punished by loud words of a shouting voice for this impertinence. I have to prove that I am aware of my inferiority or I will be persecuted as evil par excellence. How I think is empty reasoning. Women shouldn't think unless it is about domesticity. We are here to entertain men - being beautiful, sexy, caring and affirming manhood as the absolute perfection of mankind. Anything else is crime.